The wonder of neighbors

How do you be a neighbor? I get the first part really well - introductions. The next two parts I have down, pat! - small talk and helping ... what then? How does people become friends, ever? This has been the most frustrating thing of my adult life. I don't remeber ever having to work at making friends. Now, I can't seem to have a friend for the life of me, let alone neighbors who become long-life friends ... or at least friends I remain in contact with after I move a place. I'm working on that though. The last place I lived was the most amazing place of fellowshipping and friendship rearing I've ever witnessed and been a part of. So much of it has to do with a very few people who moved in within the last year or so of my life there. I hope to always remain in contact, but even then, how do you foster a real friendship from that?

Aside from that, I was so touched the other day. The last time I posted it was snowing. I needed to shovel the walk and drive after it had dumped about six or so inches before work. I have been able to meet most of the people in my cul-de-sac and have made it through the small talk part. As I was shoveling, a neighbor got stuck in the snow on the road, trying to get home. Another neighbor and I tried helping, he being more buff than I pushed the car up the hill. After, she came down and we chatted for awhile. I went back to shoveling and two different neighbors, one of which I helped shovel his walk the week before and another one I had yet to meet, came over and helped me shovel the last half of the walk and drive. I love that neighborly stuff. I can really see myself enjoying this new area and neighborhood.

Another neighbor to the street over, we've helped furnish her new house with a lot of the stuff we've been getting rid of from my grandmother and mother. That's been fun. The daughters are adorable.

But what's next? How do you "do" stuff together? Make friends? Visit? Do you always have to have a "playdate"? Do you always use your kids as an excuse? Do you always have to bring over a plate of cookies? Do you just call and chat? Any suggestions???? I could really use the help. This is the part in my life that is the most frustrating and lacking, I think. -Very lonely!!!

NEXT on: LEAVES

So, the previous post threw me off. I'll admit. When things like that happen, I get depressed, angry, you name it. So, after a while of brewing in my own self-pity - I'm good at that, ask my husband!! - I decided it was time to get back to the grind. Mind you, I haven't been wallowing, by any means, but just not driven to post ... what would I write? what tone would I use? all them questions ... this post is just about moving on, really. Not about moving on from the previous post happenings, but just in life.

Since the last post, we've had Thanksgiving, finals in school, and Christmas is approaching. We've decorated, helped neighbors shovel their walk, all that fun jazz. Now we are trying to live up the next four weeks of no school, just work before Spring semester begins. We want to do so many fun things, Zoo lights, Temple lights, sledding, ... Unfortunately, the economic crisis has led so many people out of work and now they are all clamoring for the available jobs at companies that are in a hiring freeze. It is good for companies, they can be more selective about who they hire, people with more experience, better connections, etc. but for our family, that means out of 60 resumes and applications, I got only three call-backs (two crappy sales jobs and a night job). It is perfect really. I can still be at-home with my children. I can still homeschool. I make more than I planned on. It is only four hours a night. It is close to my house. AND it is working for my church. Can't hate that employer! The work is no fun, worse than grunt work, but busy-work and I like busy work. It gives me an "in" for other jobs available within the corporations of the church, which I hope will serve my purposes in the future. But ... it does keep me away from home in the evenings which I have so dearly loved and have come to rely on between family time and husband time. Now, family time is every other Saturday (since husband works every other Saturday) and Sunday. My husband and I have already learned to work around the schedule and are able to spend no more than one hour a night with each other before we sleep. Anything more than that and he doesn't sleep enough and has a 12 hour day ahead of him in the worst possible state a man can be in after no sleep. We make it work. It is a blessing and an answer to our prayers. For that, we are grateful. Plus, for Christmas, we got a brand new leather-bound Hymn book with sweet messages from the First Presidency. (for more information, visit www.lds.org).

Next ... Christmas. Out of town with the in-laws and ... the ex- (muh-ha-ha-ha). Stay tuned. :D

Family!!?? What is that?!!

Family, what is that? Is it a joke? Is it a convenient system for people to lay claim on others to use as personal punching bags? Is it a thing? Noun? What??? I am so confused. I have had to ask this question many times in the course of my adult life. To the extent that I have, I find it unfair that I have been dealt the hand I have. What do I do about it? However, through it all, I feel that I have overcome every obstacle with as much grace and dignity as I can. Some of these times have been more graceful than others, but regardless of the circumstances, I always seem to forgive, forget and move on ... leaving me scarred, but just as emotionally vulnerable as the last time, learning from these lessons, but never really LEARNING. How does one find balance? The need to find the balance to be part of a family while also guarding oneself from the vulnerability of being part of that family.

For the past 21 years, I have been in search of a family. I have been in search of a family to belong to, for someone to believe I am special and just accept me for who I am, not what I can do for them. And yet, in all of my searching, I have never been able to find this place, to fill this void. Why is it so hard to find, even one person to fulfill this need? I have learned this need about myself in many difficult ways. I have tried to figure out why I need it, where did this void begin, why I can't fill the void or why I can't change or protect myself ... turn this need off?

Personally, I HAVE to believe it is either a sick and cruel joke God is playing on me to teach me something, or it is really, truly the way people behave. My only problem is, in all of life's travels I have met many, many people, seen many, many families, NONE of them have had this kind of baggage, none of them have treated their families like this, so completely and consistently. It blows my mind. And so, I am left to believe I really am the horrible person people, who are supposed to be family, say that I am.

This realization leads me back to the original question. What is family? What is the purpose? How can I believe families are supposed to be together forever when this is what I get? How do I maintain the primary/preschool fantasy that I love my family and would love the opportunity to be with them in the hereafter? My husband's answer is, "I am your family." My reply is, "I know! But how do I learn to REALLY KNOW?" How do I separate the need I have been seeking to fill all these years from parental figures and the like to a new entity I am creating with my husband and children?

In short, I have no answer to this question. It is a question that continues to plague me. I am unable to cut myself off from these people and so, I am left with not answering the question, but asking a new one: Now what?

The kids and the things they do ....

So, I am biased. It's true. I have unbelievable kids. My son is smart, I don't take credit. He watches, listens and chooses. He is so full of the insight and the interest in the world and his place in the world, I wish I had growing up. Saturday, he said to me, (mind you, after only one "lesson" on each topic) "Mom, the President is Obama." I said, "That's right!" My husband looked at me in aww over the bit of information my son processed and repeated. I then asked, "Do you know who the President of our Church is?" He took a moment, walked away; I was afraid he was going to ignore me, and said, "Thomas S. ... Mon .. son?!" OMIG. What a memory. I only once sat down and talked to him about who the new President of the U.S. was after the elections, showed him his picture and left it at that. Shortly after President Gordon B. Hinckley of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints died, again, I sat down and showed him, only once, who our new President of the Church was. What a memory!!! He never ceases to amaze me.

Pretty classic amazements of his are other random things he has done in the past, that unfortunately, with my issues of keeping a journal, I have not recorded. Here is as good a place as any ... Dylan started reading at 2.5 yo. Pretty, young? I didn't think so until all the other mom's I knew from various places began exclaiming what an anomally. Makes me feel uncomfortable, like I did something wrong. So, I learned to delight in his accomplishments and roll with them. I didn't "teach" him, per se, but I didn't hold him back. I saw the window of thirst for knowledge open and there was no way I was going to let it close! We started working with the coolest federally funded website I've ever known and wish more moms knew about it, called www.starfall.com. It was his "computer game." He was only allowed 10 minutes per day with me to "play." As he began loving it and understanding more and more of it and learning to control the computer mouse, he got to play more and more on it, up to an hour a day. Soon, he was sounding things out. Of course, when there was an opportunity, I would encourage his learning and challenge him, but for the most part, he was really interested and excited to learn something new. Soon, he sounded out the only word I'd ever heard him sound out - he, himself put his learning to the test and sounded out the word "FRIEND." I didn't know what to do!!! It was then, I decided to put him into a preschool. Out of all the preschools in our area, A-M I called, Challenger preschool was the most affordable and one of the only ones that focused on phonics. One month later he was enrolled and two months later, he was READING! WHOA.

Since then, he can't stop. He will read anything he can. He will read things to himself and catch me in an "adult moment." He will read to me, luckily, ask me to still read to him and read to his new baby sister. How cool, right? Well, what do you do when he starts reading your COLLEGE level text books?? No joke! I was hunkering down reading my text book for my master's degree program and he hopped on my back and started reading it out loud to me, "Treatment for Bipolar I Disorder." OMIG. Where does it stop? He continued on and read some words that I was sure he wasn't going to be able to pronounce. Yet, he still surprised me and read them, paying attention to grammar rules that he hadn't even learned formally, yet and phonetically should have stumped him. What a cool cat he is! Dad and I like to see if we can challenge him, but also, we like to include him now that he can read. He likes to read the scriptures by himself, ingredients to foods, all sorts of other random things.

Because of this advanced level he is at, and because of the fight we went through to get Challenger to challenge him, (he started getting bored and acting out since he was so much further ahead of his class ...) we decided to homeschool. I don't know for how long we will homeschool, but for now, it works. He stays home with Mom, we save on money for a preschool he doesn't need, we are challenged by finding opportunities to socialize, and at the same time, enjoy the extra time we get together and the fun we have discovering things together. It works very well, for now.

And because my long-winded breath has written so much, I will save the rest of our homeschool adventure for another day.

My Perfect Life

So, here I am, with my perfect dog, in my perfect house, surrounded by my perfect children and talking with my perfect husband, when all of a sudden, I realize, we haven't been translated, yet. DARN IT!! Another day, maybe.

It's been another week. We finally have our house (mostly) put together. At what point am I going to have it all put together? I wonder. It is so much put together that others would wonder what the heck am I talking about? It's the little things. The random, "where does this go?" that bothers me. The fact that my new garage (ohhhh, we are so spoiled) is full of other people stuff. When will I be able to put my car in there? My storage things? I am at a loss for where to hang my pretty things. And, finally, I know there is more to clean and be done before I can settle. Mainly, the scrubbing of the kitchen and bathroom floors, scrubbing the bathroom all together and behind the stove and fridge in the kitchen, scrubbing inside the bathroom counters and the exterior cupboards in the bathroom and kitchen. Think I'm being anal? Well, I would think so to, but I live here. The smell of cat liter penetrates the room when the bathroom counters are opened. There is so much grim and grit at the base of the appliances in the kitchen, I am scared to move them to clean underneath. All in all, though, we have made some excellent progress!!! I'm so happy and excited to have a HOME.

Odd as it is, I didn't feel like it would feel any different than living in an apartment. It does. Granted the perimeter is surrounded by dogs, and now we have been infiltrated by acquiring our own dog, it is so cool to have a home! In one week, we were able to change the scenery from this:

To this:

And with this:

Her name is Ruby, a fourth and permanent addition to our little family. She is a Vizsla. She is every bit a Coon dog but without the bite of a hunter.

See, I told ya!

Ya, ya, ya. Just like a child, I know. But things get busy, life happens and all of a sudden it is a week later and I haven't posted. I'm still interested, that's exciting.

Our move went a lot worse than we anticipated. We had amazing help from our friends and neighbors at the apartment, loading the truck. They were so patient while I was so unprepared. We ended up moving a week earlier than expected because, remember that job interview .... I got it!! YAY. Unfortunately, though, they told me Friday afternoon and I started training the next Monday, giving me half a day to reserve a truck, find help, finish boxing and get "prepared." I did the best I could, guys. Stayed up late, put everything else off ... rough. Anyway, so we moved to the new house and Oh! Thank Heaven, for Darrell, he was so awesome to follow us to the new house and help unload the truck, too. He was the first to help and the last to leave. I really appreciated him and his wife for letting us borrow him. At the new house, we didn't have any neighbors show to help, even though my mom said she tried to find people. One guy showed half an hour to the end and helped. I was grateful for anything I could get, but man, what a slap in the face - we were no longer in Kansas, Toto!! The student housing neighbors always saw a need (moving, mostly) and were most often willing to drop everything and dig their heels in to help those moving (in or out!!). Now we are "big girls and boys" and on our own in the lone and dreary world. Our first experience was the pity Darrell had for us to help us unload, too. Thanks again, man. You are my hero, well, you can vie for second place, my husband is hogging first and second. hehehehe

My husband is very allergic to animals. So much so that we could hardly ever visit my mother's house. Within three feet of the front door his asthma and allergies would flair up so badly that we had to stop coming over or drug him droopy. I've been over at mother's house helping her clear it out, clean it and SCRUB it for my neurotic, with cause, husband. Well, it wasn't enough. We had to sleep at a hotel our first night. Great for us, alone time, FINALLY, but we spent the night writing a talk we were assigned to give at our church the next day. It was way nice, though to not have to worry about this and that, the kids (stayed at Gma's) and have a clean, beautiful and soft place to sleep. The next day we rented a carpet cleaner from Home Depot (watch it, they can get expensive) and spent the next three days deep cleaning the carpets. His reactions slowly drifted away, but they are not gone.

The agreement prior to moving into the house was that the animals would be gone within a minimum of thirty days of our move-in so we could sanitize the house of all catness or dogness. It helped A LOT. We got the ducts cleaned, carpets cleaned (by a crappy company that didn't do much), vaccumed, dusted, washed walls, cleared all furniture and house ... stuff out to make it as dander free as possible. Yet, all that work, and I still had to worry about the untimely death of the hubby. Now it has been five days, we are cozy in our bedroom, surrounded by boxes as each room dries from the carpet cleaner and pet-ness is still not totally gone. Their happiness (or unhappiness, whichever way you want to look at it) has deeply saturated into the padding and subfloors of the carpet. We will probably end up having to replace the subflooring, padding and parts of the carpet, if possible. But for now, we will make it liveable and be content.

This house, mind you, did just fall into our laps. We must be grateful for the opportunity to try our skills at homeownership, even if it isn't the real thing. Now, you may be wondering, why the heck, knowing the pet-ness that was left, the work that was put in BEFORE this house was even possibly ours, etc. we would still move in ... well, this move wasn't about us. It is about MOM. It is a move that is more money for rent, utilities, gas and house repairs, but it is something we, as a family have pondered and saught guidance for. It is a move that we feel is right and serves a purpose, for whom we still don't know, but ultimately, for MOM. She is retiring, couldn't sell the house for CLOSE to what she owed, couldn't afford the payments and couldn't afford to fix it. That is where we come in. Our hearts have put so much work into the house, why not call it ours? Finish the basement, remodel the kitchen, bathroom, finish the other bathroom and bedroom, re-landscape, replace the carpet, fix doors, plumbing, and anything else we don't, yet know about so we CAN get this house re-sellable and help the MOM retire is all we are thinking about for this move. I had to get a job, found one out of the home, re-balance our existence, but again, it is what we feel is right.

Why am I telling you this? Well, I think it is because I need to hear it, too. I need to be reminded of our why. Our why might change later, but this is our motivation and my need to understand why we do things is now expressed on "paper." So far, the move hasn't been worth it. I am a person that needs to have stability. Living between two homes, balancing a new job, childcare, a husband in full time school and working part time, having only one car, not knowing neighbors that might be willing to help, cleaning up one place to leave and cleaning up another place DEEPLY to live, finishing my obligations at my previous pseudo-job and RAship, keeping up with homeschool and remembering my own classes creates chaos. Something that is most unstable and makes me very anxious. All in all, though, I feel like I've done the best I can, fulfilled my obligations, kept my head on and my feet straight, and hopefully with some grace and dignity, next week will be better.

I took pics of the chaos that we are living in, wall to wall CRAMMED with MOM's stuff to leave, our stuff to find places for, and enough path for us to find the beds and the bathroom by. I will post them when I figure out how as well as the miraculous difference that will be this home, aesthetically, when I can breath again and do with it what I will. Until then, wish me luck.

The Third Day

It is now the third day of this new blog territory I am unearthing and here I am ... unearthing it, once again. I never pictured myself as a blogger, but again, we'll see if it lasts. It might just be the novelty of it or the quiet demand of my house begging to hear ... something! That's right - the kids are gone - a once in a lifetime phenomena for my house, it seems. My most adorably pregnant sister has graciously accepted my invitation for my kids to don her home for a while as I step out into the job market and complete a first (in a decade, almost) job interview. One of, hopefully few, until I land that "perfect" job. My sister picked up my kids and whisked them away only moments ago. I still have a good 45 minutes until I leave for the interview. As I walked into the house, I relished the perfect quietness and stillness that I so desperately need for my sanity to remain intact. I move to the couch and about a billion things FLY through my mind of what I "could" be doing. Between a nap, homework, packing, laundry, cleaning and working, I chose BLOGGING. Hahaha.

My husband, jokingly now calls me the "typical housewife." With blog site in tow, am I? I must be.

World of Blogging

Whew!!! For all the people that have talked to me about blogging, I really didn't know what a sport it really was! From viewing one blog, I was able to view so many more blogs of people I know, would like to keep in touch with or would like to get to know better. How fun. Wonder why I didn't do it sooner. Maybe it is the closet, insecure, scaredy-cat, people-phobia I have .... hhmmmmm. I'll keep pondering on that one. However, I have found the excitment of reading up on the fun adventures of all my previous and current acquaintances. Woohooo, bloggers.

Our title

After the many pressures from family and friends to create a blog, my anti-blogging has finally come to an end. However, now that I have one, there is no guarantee I will post. Muh-ha-ha-ha.I will try to remember, but don't really know how often these things get read. I already have a profile on myspace (at www.myspace.com/lahlik) and on facebook (under Sheila K Pitts), you can check things out there, too.

Anyway, so of all the catchy or ordinary things that I could come up with. The one that came to me that I liked the best for our little blog is "Leaves on the family tree." I love the ad that the Utah Fostercare Foundation uses that says, "Be a branch on someone else's family tree." I find that so inspiring and love the idea of the family tree. It has been so fun getting older, spawning and watching my friends, siblings and family spawn as well. There is such symbolism in a family tree, I couldn't resist using leaves on that tree to represent the events, happenings, and other not-so-branches of our life. Enjoy, if I ever update this ... hehehehe.