A bit about the lil' one

So, my daughter ... I am memorializing her leaps and bounds. A proud mother must sometime, somewhere and since this is my journal - I suck actually writing - Who heard of manuscript anyway, lame. I'm memorializing her here for everyone!

**She has six crooked teeth - thanks dad, thanks mom.

**She's walking!!! Before she could stand.

**She LOVES to climb into - well, anything, laundry baskets, puzzle boxes, any nook and cranny that she can

**She LOVES daddy - OMIG, I can't hold a candle to that man.

**She is the happiest, giggliest little thing I've ever known.

**She loves to laugh. Everything is a game to her.

**She knows sign language - picked it up FAST - more, food, all gone, hi (of course)

**She bonks your head thinking you are giving her kisses and she is giving them back.

**Her first word was HI - Daddy and strangers get that one a lot. When she wakes up and you come to get her out of bed, she says it with a BIG crooked grin.

**She has learned screaming doesn't get her attention - THANK HEAVEN.

**She tries to put on socks and shoes like big brother.

**She talks, all day, on the phone, already!!!! Luckily it has a pull string, not a communication wire into the wall.

**She is always hungry.

**She gets offended easily, a bump here, a funny look there - it's all a personal attack.

It's true ... I want money

Growing up, we had the basic needs, right. Didn't most of us? Now that I'm an adult, married, with children, an education ... la, da, da ... I'm ready to have money. I'm ready to have choices. More than just the basics and then a little. My husband is still getting his degree and I'm happy being at home. Am I the only one done with only maintaining our finances? Don't get me wrong, we have no business having the things we do with us still in school and for us still being young. For those things, I am grateful. But, I'm greedy. I'll admit. I still want more. Is that so wrong?

It's an internal conflict I have. I have had to grow up quickly most of my life and now that I am grown up, I still want to be grown up. What a dilemma. So what do I do? I'm also impatient. I know things will work out ... eventually, but call it instant gratification, call it greed, impatience, I don't care. I just want to be able to look at the books after everything is paid and think, "It's great to have such freedom in spending." Instead of, "O, can I justify this extra expense?" I want to be able to have --- security. My spending habits aren't lavish, certainly not. I don't buy a lot of clothes, nails, hair things or styles, makeup, movies even, nothing more than the basics anyway. But to have the safety net of extra how would that be?

Don't get me wrong, we aren't going bankrupt, we aren't broke, just not nested in a career, yet that matches our earning potential. You know what I really think it is ... these feelings of never being able to get out of this low income tax bracket has increased significantly since the realization of my mother's retirement. She made more than any single mother with an English degree could make these days. That hurts. Not only that, she has nothing to show for it. I am so scared of earning and not having - not the material things, but the safety net - the savings, the investments ... etc. I'm so scared, especially with the economy getting worse and the unemployment rising and rising and rising and our friends and family being laid-off, some more than once, that we'll never survive. It is the pit-f-the-stomach fear that we aren't safe. The times will get worse before they get better. I know this, it is part of the cycle of our social structure, but I don't want to be part of it. I am too easily afraid of "the unknown." How does someone get over that??

Marriage beyond death!

This Valentine's Day was amazing. Not because my husband and I got to sneak away from our kids, we didn't. Not because we got to exchange expensive and extravagant gifts, we didn't. Not because we got any romantic, we didn't. We spent the bulk of this weekend driving! We drove the eight hours it takes to Colorado. We left at 5pm on Friday and arrived at our hotel at 2am Saturday morning. The forecast predicted our entire route covered in snow! It wasn't! The only issues we had were outside of Cheyenne when the roads became covered in fog, flurries and black ice. It was scary, but we made it safely.

The next morning, we woke up at 8am and were able to go to the Denver, CO LDS temple. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We believe in doing work (baptisms, sealings and other work) for the dead. My father died in 2005 before he could be baptized. He was on his way and suddenly died of a heart attack. My stepmother, needless to say, was devastated. She continued on the way towards being sealed (married for all time and eternity) to my father. The day finally came and with my father's birthday today, it was the greatest timing for her. The excitement and joy of being able to live, not only with our Savior and our Heavenly Father again, but to live for - literally, ever, with the one you love is priceless. So, we came to support her and enjoy the greatest gift we have been given on this earth. The ceremony was wonderful. There was so much love and spirit in the room. I know my father was there. He wouldn't miss it for the world.

I was able to see family, again, too. Family I always wish I belonged to and in a way, always have. It took this trip, unfortunately, to help me realize, I really do belong. I really do have a family in them. And to know that my father loves me, really loves me. What a great realization after so many years of wondering why, who and how ...

The rest of the trip was great! We were able to stay at mom's house the rest of Saturday and Sunday. We left Sunday evening at 5pm again and made it home at 1am again. It was the best drive home. Again, the forecast predicted snow storms and yet, we had clear and I mean CLEAR skies! We saw more stars than I can ever remember. I even got to see the constellation Scorpio (I think). I have never seen any other than Orion's belt - and I don't know where the rest of him is, and the little and big dipper. Those last two are the easiest to spot!

Anyway, I am so grateful for my faith, my Saviors sacrifice, Joseph Smith's willingness to do the work needed on this earth to establish the Church of Jesus Christ, again on this earth. I'm so grateful for the knowledge I have of this life, the before and the after. I'm so grateful for the love and blessings we receive from such a great God, a loving and kind, just God. I'm so grateful for the atonement and the opportunity I have to be clean to go before God to be judged. I am so grateful for my mom and dad's opportunity to live eternally together in happiness and love, surrounded by those who love them, too. I'm so grateful for mom and who she is and what she brought to my father. I am so grateful to be part of their family. I think THIS is what He ment by JOY!

The day finally came: I was tagged

I've only heard of people getting tagged ... just thought they were those email questions everyone avoids because there are so many renditions of the same thing. I know, I know, synical brood I am. Anyway, I got tagged. Thought I'd see if anyone actually reads my blog. Plus, this one sounds pretty interesting ... We'll see.

8 Things About Me
Here are the Rules:
1) Post rules on your blog
2) Answer the six '8' items
3) Let each person know by leaving them a comment

8 FAVORITE TV SHOWS
1. Scrubs. My kind of synical, sarcasm in a refreshing (and not at all over used) introspective manner.
2. Lost
3. The Office
4. Medium
5. Law & Order: SVU - only one that is on instant watch on Netflix from the beginning, plus I like the combination of the whole process
6. Eureka
7. Bones
8. Dead Like Me - LOVE IT!

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY
1. Homeschool - love to participate in my son's learning. There's nothing like watching that light turn on when all sorts of things connect!
2. Watched a neighbors baby. Cried the whole time. So sad.
3. Wrote an article on Neurosis
4. Turned in my homework assignment
5. Family movie with hot cocoa after the house got picked up. Loves those nights.
6. Played with baby during rest time - she's so darn cute
7. Emmersed myself in my 'soaps' for a couple hrs to take in some non-thinking time
8. Hehehe, doesn't happen often ...

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO
1. Payday
2. Getting old so I can look back at the legacy I am trying to create with the coolest guy around
3. Vacations
4. Those mornings you wake up for a run and can smell the mist on the grass -- gets my blood pumping
5. My husband coming home TO ME!!!
6. Watching my kids grow up
7. Having my career (if it's in the cards) and using my education (somehow)
8. Having my husband's career - or rather his income, muh-ha-ha-ha

8 FAVORITE RESTAURANTS
1. Chez Darin
2. steak joints, ya man!
3. Chez Darin
4. Chez Darin
5. any sushi joint worth it's salt
6. Chez Darin
7. Chez Darin
8. Cafe Rio

8 THINGS ON MY WISH-LIST (I wish ...)
1. To be debt-free (including student loans)
2. To make a difference
3. To travel the world
4. For a happy family
5. To retire early
6. My husband to be happy and not so freaking busy and stressed out.
7. (I don't really wish for a lot ...)
8. (I can't really come up with anymore ... I have things I WANT, is that the same?)

8 PEOPLE I TAG
1. Ashley
2. Zabet
3. Michelle
4. Lena
5. Patricia
6. Allison
7. Melissa
8. Cressida

Baby's first steps

You heard it right!!! My baby, FINALLY took her first steps. She is so funny. She just lets go and starts to walk, like it isn't anything, like she's been doing it forever. I sort of figured she would do it that way. My son took a bit more prompting. She is just like me and her father, she'll do it on her own time and in her own way.

Last week she took two steps towards a stranger!! Last night she took two steps towards Dad. Today, she just let go and took a step towards something, not someone.

Ah, the accomplishments. I'm so grateful I get to be here to see it happen and watch her grow.

Winter Blues

Don't get me wrong, my favorite music is jazz and the blues, but combined with a long winter, man, things get bummer-ific!!! I learned from my mom that an existence of inactivity and non-movement is sufficient for this life. However, another part of me screams, "DON'T DO IT!!" I hate inactivity and non-movement. I haven't learned how to combine my need to move and be active with at-home life. I homeschool; I am getting my master's degree; I keep house; I play with my kids; I exercise ... one would think that would be enough to keep me busy. It is, but I still have hours per day that I don't know what to do with myself. From my mom's example, I watch movies. With the ease of Netflix and the convenience, I watch a lot (!!!) of TV. I haven't watched TV since I was, arguably, younger than 15, so I have a lot to catch up on. I used to like that I didn't know what was going on. My husband is always telling me to do things I enjoy, but I don't know what that is. The things I do enjoy and know I enjoy them, are time consuming and space taking. It takes a moment to get involved and I normally have to stick with it to accomplish anything, but that isn't easy when I'm always running back and forth between kids and my baby sleeps in the office (her bedroom isn't finished in the basement, yet). The office is where the space is. So, I enjoy scrapbooking and sewing. Reading is great, too, but that, also, I have to have uninterrupted time to do, otherwise, I have a ton of books I've started and never have finished. I've determined, blogging is it, for now. I can watch a movie (or two - hehehe) a day as long as I've homeschooled, exercised, finished my homework and played with my kids. I don't like being one of those at-home mom's that is just a warm body for the kids. I like to engage. During the winter, though, what to do?

This brings me back to the winter blues. During good weather, we would go on walks, go places, do things, enjoy the weather ... what do you do in the winter when the roads are bad, the air is cold, the shops are further than I care to go now that I am so much further away than I used to be ... This last week or more the weather has been great. We have been outside more, walking more, going places more. It's been enjoyable. Now ... it is ... snowing again. :( That stupid groundhog. We need to replace him.

Adieu

Today, my mother leaves Utah forever. She has finally, to her joy and excitement, retired. We held a surprise retirement pary for her last night. It went well and of course, she cried. Now she is headed to out to Virginia. I'm so jealous, but excited for her. She will embark on new adventures, heartaches and breaks, thrills, and discovery. Go mom!

For us, whom she's abandonned in the mountains of the west, life will go on as usual. For my little family, a little bit of grandmother will be missed.

Adieu, ma mere. Salut une nouvelle jour!

I WANNA BE JUST LIKE YOUUUUUU

Says my daughter everytime she looks at my son! Today, trying to teach her to sit still for a couple moments, we popped in Baby Einstein. The music is so relaxing and the colors and movements are so fun for the kids. As I drifted off to a cat-nap with the rythm in my head of the video about shapes, I see my son start dancing as awkwardly as five year old do, and my daughter stare and smile this adoring smile at him! When he sits, she wants to dance herself. So, she does. She wiggles her little shoulders, bounces up and down, moves her arms side to side! When he laughs, she looks at him and figures it's funny, too. She laughs right along. I can't bust out my camera at this point because I'll get caught, she'll stop and start laughing her maniacal little laugh as she says, "Muh-ha-ha-ha, you thought you could capture me on camera, ha-ha-ha, eventually, you'll learn, I know what you are up to, you'll NEVER get me on that film!!" I've gotten very good at processing a memory moment for my own bank of film in my head. I just hope dementia won't take over before I can tell her all about it.

As I was watching her try to do what brother does, I was overcome with the feeling of, I love this!! Watching and being able to be part of my children grow up - together, is such a blessing. He often hates her trying to be like him. She loves to play XBox with him, on his controller. She loves to read the books he's reading. She loves to play the toys he's playing with. She loves to eat the food he's eating, ride the bike he's riding, walk where he's walking ... on and on. He gets annoyed and calls in for the giant reinforcements to come save him from her imposing sister. I don't mind. I wait until he calls. That way they both get the experience RIGHT before the violence and resentment of sibling-hood take over. When they are older, I'm confident they will be great friends! He already protects her when he can!!