Friday, March 18, 2011

The miracle

For so many, miracles are considered big events. Not for me. I see miracles every day. The hand of the Lord in our lives is a miracle in and of itself. For me, I see his hand in our lives every day and thus, I see miracles big and small. For our little family, the miracle of having the 4Runner, a tank of a truck when it was needed most was a miracle. Having nothing wrong with my daughter was a miracle. Having nothing wrong with the growing baby inside me was a miracle. Having nothing wrong with me but some pieces of glass in my hand where my hand flew through the window was a miracle. Having an amazing husband who could sympathize when I needed it most with the weight of what just happened was a miracle.

I was in shock for about 2 days. Wednesday I finally cried. Crying for me is a big thing. I just don't. So if I cry, I needed it. I cried. I called my best friend and I cried.

The following week, I heard a news report about several other car accidents, flips and general bad-weather happenings. The difference? The driver of a truck that flipped during the same storm I was in, in the same conditions, on a freeway, died. I began to feel the weight of what could have been and I was ever more grateful.

Earlier that day we had the 2nd bump for us off the mountain top of ecstatic emotion from the week before. The job my husband was offered, accepted and started in 2 days time, was taken away from him. A youthful indiscretion he thought he had taken care of, was not taken care of and he failed the background check that was required to pass for the job. Now it was his turn to process his own trauma.

I started to feel as if I couldn't trust anything else about last week. I did a check. Ok, the baby is fine. We have a home we are still confirmed was the right decision. Will my son's school be taken away? Is there anything else that can/will go wrong? What are we learning from these things?

Gratefully, I saw the turning down of his promised job as a blessing. How many other jobs turned him down for a failed background check that we knew was going on but then he didn't get the job because of this youthful indiscretion? Those potential employers never said a word about WHY he failed a background check, if he did or WHY they turned him down. Now we have the information we need to make sure it doesn't happen again! I began the paperwork process. My husband began the grieving process for this lost job which he had put his identity and his success into which now he saw as a failure as a man, father and as a husband. We made the decision to go to school full-time without a job for him. We can do it on my salary! It is tight, but we've been tight before. We talked about what it means to be a "provider" and that he IS a provider to his family, with and without a job! Getting a degree IS providing! An argument I had been making for years but had to wait until he was ready to hear it and accept it. He will be laid off from his temporary job in mid-April. That gives us 3 months to plan, prepare and save. We have done it before, we can do it again!!

The rest of January dragged on and on and on. Never have I wanted a month to end so badly.

Dylan had his 7th birthday!! He got more Legos since the last ones were such a hit and he was running out of Legos to build what he wanted. At the end of January was our joint family birthday party for the kids since Abigail's bday is 1 week after Dylan's. It was the last day of the month. You know how things come in threes, right? We were waiting for the third event that would round out January so we could be comforted February would go uneventful. We weren't wrong. In the middle of our family party with Uncle Bruce, Aunt Chris and Karin's family, Abigail choked on her birthday cake! Last trauma for the month! I promise!!

Aunt Chris noticed Abigail struggling, we look, she's doing the classic motioning to her neck, I jump up quick-like, rush to her, and do the only CPR I have seen for toddlers that happens to be 15+ years old!! I pick her up and face-down smack her on her back. It worked. Apparently, that technique is old school. I have since learned the new way of doing it. Ugh.

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