May canyons

In May we had our family vacation. We had been planning for it since October when we started our History unit in homeschool. Our first experience in History was about continents and landmarks for each continent. The song goes like this:

North America
The Canyon Grand
South America
Amazon land
Antarctica
The snow is high
And Africa
The desert's dry

North America
South America
Antartica and Africa

Europe, Asia
Castles, Great Wall
And Australia
Best Reef of all
South Pole, North Pole
Bottom and Top
And that's my world
It's time to stop

Europe, Asia
And Australia
South Pole, North Pole
And that's my world

It is a really catchy song and makes learning the continents fun! Naturally, we couldn't visit the Great Wall, the Amazon, Europe's castles or the Great Barrier Reef. I would never visit Antarctica - brrr, too cold! Instead, we decided we were conveniently located very close to the Grand Canyon and often visit St. George near the Grand Canyon so it wasn't a big leap or an expensive leap to make our History lessons real for our family. We invited our dear friends and parents.

And since we were staying in St George, we got lots of great time together with Darin's brother and his new girlfriend, Darin's parents and my dear friend from Vegas. Below are some pics. Check out Aba's hair in the second photo - hilarious!! The wind was so strong!

From the beginning ...

My last post ... February ... then, I dropped off. However, our family continued to balance Darin gone for work and commuting on the bus from 6am-8pm every M-F/S and me being home until 130pm-1130pm M-F when I was at work. I was still balancing homeschool in the morning and my own studies in the afternoon. We were winding up towards Spring and life was moving on.

In April my sister asked to move in around the same time my sister-in-law asked to move in. Both sisters have two kids and my mom would accompany my sister-in-law. Luckily, we had just finished our basement over the Winter and had the space to make it work. Albeit, we knew it would be hard and cramped, I believe you can do anything for a short period of time for the benefit of helping others. As it was, my sister-in-law only needed to know she had an option at that point. She was hoping to get a job and if it worked out, would move to our home for the duration of her new job training. My sister needed a place to get back on her feet after some rough times. Shortly after the phone call, my sister and her two kids moved in.



We made it work, cozily. My sister has one girl and one boy. The boys shared my son's new room and the girls shared my daughter's bedroom. My sister re-claimed the office next to our bedroom and we divided the two living rooms between us. My sister had her own living room upstairs, we had our own living room downstairs in the new basement which was huge and doubled as our playroom and office for homeschool. It worked and I think it worked well! A 2000 sqft house with 4 bedrooms can totally house 7 people.

Inspired

I have been inspired to "catch up" on my entries. A beautiful family that we are friends with just "caught up" and it was so fun to see their adventures and read about their family growth!! Now, I want to have fun "catching up" my family and re-visit their adventures over the year. With the exception of anything substantial, I will not catch up 2009. There is just too much I have either forgotten or lost (in memory). So sad!

Let's start with a "where we are NOW." The details and (hopefully) pictures to come.

• We moved to Missouri!!
• We are living with an amazing Uncle and Aunt until Darin can find a job and/or until next month.
• I got a new job and work from home (legitimately!!).
• I graduated with my Master's degree!! Whew.
• We are (loosely and horribly failing miserable at) potty training Aba.
• Dylan is now in FIRST grade!!
• We still homeschool.
• Darin transferred colleges and is now at the college for which I work.
• We had our family vacation with some best friends to the Grand Canyon! What a FUN experience.

AND ...

• We are PREGNANT!!! (For real, this time).

At this rate!

Pics I haven't shared. There's so many more to come.


Dylan's super cool scientific magnifying glasses
(on loan from Gpa! Thanks, Gpa!)


Aba during homeschool



Dylan's new room

Big cheese for Christmas

Sassy lil' girl

I think I'm lonely

Depression runs so deeply and wildly throughout my family. It is a clinical and real problem. For some of my family members it is a disease, a disorder and for others it is just the way it is. I have always denied having depression. I never wanted to join that side of my family and have to take a thousand perscription pills per day. I have always been happy and upbeat, trying to be optimistic and full of life. When I became an at-home mom, so much crap hit the fan and I felt re-traumatized all over again for things I had hidden deep inside. I denied falling into a depression for a long time. I felt that as long as I was homeschooling and keeping my house picked up, I wasn't depressed. I isolated myself from my neighbors and sometimes got brave, ventured out and quickly came back home. Other times I got brave and invited neighbors over for dinner or so my son could have a playdate. Secretly, I was hoping they would cancel or something would come up. Sadly, very rarely were these attempts ever reciprocated. This doesn't make me a bad person, just a fearful one. I figured all I needed was a job. Yes, a job would distract me. I would find the energy again and I would be able to be the mom I should be and I would be able to fill my days before and after work with productivity. I blamed the eventless mommihoodness on my "boredom."

It has been a year since finding my job. Our family is incredibly blessed. We have amazing neighbors whom we've grown close to that care for our kids while we are both at work and I'm still able to homeschool. We are right on track for my son and my daughter is healthy and happy. So, why am I still "bored?" I got a promotion quickly. My shift at work changed from an afternoon shift to a night shift. We didn't think it would be so bad because the difference was perfect for me. I could keep my productivity at home and I could keep homeschooling. After several months, here I am, lonely and bored. I have felt the feelings creep up on me and I have been slowly letting them take over. At first, of course denying it was depression, I called it procrastination. My schoolwork for my Master's degree was late or done the night it was due (including any readings I should've had done for the assignments). I then got "addicted" to T.V. shows and "oops, where'd the time go." Then it was "I don't want to ..."

Being an insightful person I started to wonder, why am I doing this. This isn't me ... I knew I was lonely for adult attention, for time with my husband, for friends, for FUN. I only see my husband about 96 minutes M-F, if I'm lucky on Saturday and always on Sunday which is full of obligations. At home, I teach my son. At work, I supervise my peers and "yes sir, no sir" my bosses. I come home to a dark and sleeping home. I have a sleep disorder that keeps me awake until 2am and so for three hours after work, I watch TV. I don't exercise, because when do I have the time and I have no one at work to talk to or who is interested in me as a person or my husband or my kids. No one at work wants to talk to me about their husbands or kids. I feel like a robot. At work, it's work - well, that's understandable, but where's the human in that? Before my promotion, that human connection was neatly balanced because I wasn't a supervisor. Now I have to deal.

So, after several years, several months, several late assignments or half done assignments or flake-outs on callings, on and on, I am admitting, I am depressed. I can't runaway anymore from the reality that is my depression. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to homeschool. I don't even want to eat, leave my house, let alone clean my house. Yikes!!! I've learned that my schoolwork slips because it is the only thing I can control. I've learned that my obligations on Sunday (or related to) are slipping because that is the only thing I can control. I've learned that I don't care if the laundry is done or the house shiny and new because that is the only thing I can control. I'm lonely and that makes me depressed. While I know I will turn away and distract myself, go back to denial and not work through this (because it's hard and will suck!) at least I have said it outloud.

But now what?

Creativity by Dynamic Duo

At the behest of my wise and wonderful mother-in-law, I am posting what I should have months ago so I don't forget and can share with my friends and family now and for years to come (hopefully).


The first:

Getting ready for trick-or-treat Halloween 2009 my niece and son started singing "Trick or treat, smell ..." you got it. I joined in and QUICKLY got scolded by my loving husband who wants to raise the kids right for some reason! So, we, as a family, came up with new lyrics. The whole drive home (about 20 minutes) from picking up costumes on the way to the trunk or treat activity at the ward house, we came up with the following (sing to the tune of the "naughty" song).

Trick or treat.

You're so neat.

Give me something sweet to eat.

If you don't that's ok,

To the next house, I will say ....

(and it repeats over and over and over again).

It was hilarious and so much fun to come up with this song with the kids. The kids helped, too so it wasn't just my righteous husband and I doing it for the kids. Since, the kids love the song and in fact, I caught my son singing it yesterday as he was looking for a book to read! Ah, those are the sweet memories we yearn for!

Now if only we can come up with something for "Jingle Bells, Batman ..." Yup, you got it. Something about everything smelling as a child, hmmm. Interesting.

The second:


This last weekend we went South to visit some family and to hang out with a close brother who has had a hard couple months. While we were there, my son was swinging and sliding for hours on the swing and slide my in-laws installed. I went out and joined him a couple times and one time while pushing my daughter high into the air on the swing and listening to her laugh hysterically the whole time, my son says, "Mom, want to hear the new song I just made up." Why, of course I do! I love when I get to see that right brain working!! So his new song went like this:

It's a wonderful day in the sunshine

It's a wonderful day to play with my friends

It's a wonderful day to play in the sunshine

It's a wonderful day to play in the sun and swing ...

Of course at this point I can't remember the tune nor document the tune, but the words are there.

Potty training

Whew! It has been several months and my daughter is showing more and more signs of interest when it comes to the potty, bathroom and her comfort (if you know what I mean, eww).

Today, she said "Potty!" I put her on the potty and she went Number 1 ALL by herself and proceeded to take the whole roll of toilet paper and wipe herself and the potty seat! It was hilarious. However, after about an hour I decided when she took the (cleaned) potty and started wearing it on her head, we were done for today.

Now she is having the temper tantrum of her life and screaming POTTTTTTTYYYY. Uh oh. Now what? Any suggestions? I was so excited and now, just conflicted. LOL

Yay for new stages, though. :)