Leaves on the family tree

March (with pics!)

2011-03-25T19:10:00.001-07:00

March finally came. Normally, I have tons of hype and excitement for March because Darin and I get to go away for a couple days for our anniversary. This year we were hyped for a different reason.

Baby was born!! Baby William Ray born 3.2 at 1241pm at 7.2 lbs and 20" long with a full head of black furry hair.

None of my kids wanted to come on time according to their "due date." In fact, they didn't want to come early, either. Each one of them I had to be induced or they would cook and cook and cook. I know it is nice and cozy in there, but give me a break! With this baby #3, we expected the same thing and were ready. His due date was scheduled for 3.4.

I began having contractions about 2.25. They were mild, but they were there and I was encouraged. My Mom wanted to be here for the baby and to help us out. We were incredibly excited to have her come and support us. She was due to come in by plane 3.3 but decided with the contractions and all, she would come early. She arrived 3.1. Sure enough, the morning of 3.2 at 7am my water broke. WOW, what a feeling.

I had always wondered what that would be like. Where would I be. What would I do. How would I control (if you can) or clean up (if you can't). Would I have time to. What is the process and how fast is the process afterward. Well, I found out!! I was excited to have this experience and wanted to have it as naturally as possible. With baby #2, I wussed out at 8 cm dialated figuring I would have to rest to push. Little did I know my doc would come in right after I was given the epidural (still at an 8) and have be begin pushing. So much for rest. I lived through it and my labor only lasted 30 mins so I figured if I did it without rest from contractions the last baby, I could do it with this baby. I wanted to prove to myself I COULD! Surprisingly, too, I didn't even think about it once I declined with a "maybe not, we'll see if I chicken out" the first time they asked.

We got to the hospital at about 830am after getting myself and as much as I could anything else squared away before we made the 20 minute drive to the hospital. We checked in and as soon as I got put up in my room, the contractions began. Out of all my other deliveries, this was the best. I think because it was completely natural. I contracted until about 1215pm when the nurse had me begin pushing. It was HARD!! I haven't done anything in my life nearly as hard as this was. I had done it twice before, drugged. Doing it this way was so much WORSE. It wasn't the pain, it was the absence of a KID after all the hard work. I started to panic and Darin started to pass out!! Within a couple pushes he FINALLY came! He looked like a purple Smurf! The encouragement I received from the hospital staff was amazing. It is the only reason I didn't lose it. And now, our latest kid was here.

MY FAV PICS:

The first day, Wednesday, 3.2, was very interesting. Our amazing Uncle and Aunt took our kids for us so my Mom could be my coach. (Darin isn't one for surviving or support during the delivery process and that is something I desperately need in order to keep going!!) They picked up Dylan from school and kept the kids that evening until they came to visit. Both Abigail and Dylan didn't want much to do with the baby! Abigail wanted nothing to do with me!! I was very disheartened. I think she had quite a shock and was afraid to hurt me or afraid I was hurt ... her Mom in a hospital bed and who is this little thing everyone wants to hold!? It was a lot for her to process. Dylan ended up with a stomach bug while in the hospital which explains his odd behavior. They had to leave quickly after we realized there was a sick'o among us. Mainly they had to leave to clean poor Dylan up. :(

The next day, Thursday, 3.3 Abigail was so much more interested in me. I felt loved again. She still wasn't sure about the baby as I'm sure you can tell in the picture but she was a trooper. Mom and Abigail stayed with me most of the day while I was in the hospital. Darin was able to take off Wednesday, but had to be to work Thursday. Uncle Bruce got to come visit us the next day, too. That night as we sat down in for our family-hospital-room-picnic dinner, Abigail got the bug and again, Mom and the kids had to leave swiftly from the hospital to clean another poor child up. Dad; however, learned not to take too lightly when the kids say "My tummy hurts!"

The next day, Friday, 3.4, the day we were supposed to arrive at the hospital, we got to leave. We went home and got nestled into our new life with an infant. The below picture was at 1 week. He is now 3 weeks and 2 days old!!

Darin is funny! He did this with Baby #2 and now with Baby #3. When a new baby arrives he seems to require the lowest maintenance look possible. He begins to have cleanliness issues and requires hot showers A LOT. Nothing is wrong with any of this, but I do find the behavior fascinating how such a change manifests in him so physically. So ... Mom's body changed and so did Dad's. Check it out ... it is the shortest his hair has ever been.

And because I like before and after pictures ... here I am at 38 weeks and 4 days (baby came at 38 weeks and 5 days) and at 1.5 weeks after delivery. I remember being a lot bigger with Baby #2 but am glad my body is adapting so well. I still have work to do and can't wait for the 6 week mark so I can start exercising again!!

The healing and recovery was way fast, too!! Again, I think because of all the natural-ness going on. My body didn't have to adapt to foreign chemicals telling it what to do. For our next baby, I will definitely do it naturally ... if I have my awesome nurse with me again, that is! She was fantastic! Helped me through the whole thing. Best hospital, medical care experience I have ever had.

Reflections

2011-03-25T19:02:00.000-07:00

Whew ...

Reflection of the last six months.

We moved across the nation to family.
We moved across a valley into our own place.
Darin quit school.
Darin started a new school.
Darin quit his job.
Darin got a new, temporary job.
We bought a truck.
We wrecked a truck.
Dylan started a new school.
Mom had a baby.
Abigail potty trained.

Whew! (Again!) Please tell me this is normal life. I really hope the next six months are just ...

Dylan went to school.
Darin went to work/school.
Mom went to work.
Abigail was a kid.
Liam grew.

How nice would that be.

February

2011-03-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

YAY!! A new month! It's here!!! It passed with no real event, thank heaven and a little too quickly.

Abigail celebrated her third birthday! She got a grocery cart with lots of food and a Chef's costume. Her and Dylan love to play house and dress up. They often come downstairs in various costumes playing some rendition of house or superheros. It is a ton of fun to watch.

Valentine's Day was uneventful. Normally we do something with or for the kids. This year was a little more crazy. We decorated a box for Dylan's first Valentine's Day at school where he could pass out and receive Valentine's cards and treats. He had a blast. The other kids in his class had super amazing boxes that you could tell Mom and Dad spent hours working on to create life size Sponge Bobs and other random kid things. I'm not that kind of Mom and proud not to be. Instead, Dylan got to express his artistic ability and drew pictures, added stickers, etc. He had fun making it. I was there for the general supervision of glue and scissors.

We had a Valentine's Day breakfast with homemade V-Day cards for everyone from everyone and the biggest heart-shaped chocolate chip cookie I could make!

Darin passed his first exams at school! He received his first professional certification, too. These certificates are huge for his profession, not just degree. The certs are often separate from a degree program at any other University but at WGU they are the degree which saves students in the IT degree program both time and money and make them even more qualified and competitive upon graduation!! There are nine certs total that he will have when he is done. He has his next two cert exams scheduled for next month. He also passed his first core course, too. He's doing SO much better at this school than any other school I know of that he has tried. The online, independent learning style was made for him!

We had a million tons of snow fall (exaggeration, naturally). There was about 2 weeks worth of snow days that were issued so Dylan didn't have to go to school. Sometimes work got canceled, as well. I work from home so I didn't get to enjoy in those spontaneous days off, but I enjoyed having my whole family with me again and for the help that I could get from Darin while I worked. The kids even got to play in the snow a couple times. They had a ton of fun. The snow was as high as they are tall in many places because of how much snow fell. Apparently, this winter was the hardest winter for this area in the last ten years! Luckily, we lived through it and we didn't have to go out much at all. We had been preparing for a month or two re-stocking our refrigerator and freezer and our food storage so we were doing ok. Now we know what we can expect, though, come next winter!

The miracle

2011-03-18T12:23:00.001-07:00

For so many, miracles are considered big events. Not for me. I see miracles every day. The hand of the Lord in our lives is a miracle in and of itself. For me, I see his hand in our lives every day and thus, I see miracles big and small. For our little family, the miracle of having the 4Runner, a tank of a truck when it was needed most was a miracle. Having nothing wrong with my daughter was a miracle. Having nothing wrong with the growing baby inside me was a miracle. Having nothing wrong with me but some pieces of glass in my hand where my hand flew through the window was a miracle. Having an amazing husband who could sympathize when I needed it most with the weight of what just happened was a miracle.

I was in shock for about 2 days. Wednesday I finally cried. Crying for me is a big thing. I just don't. So if I cry, I needed it. I cried. I called my best friend and I cried.

The following week, I heard a news report about several other car accidents, flips and general bad-weather happenings. The difference? The driver of a truck that flipped during the same storm I was in, in the same conditions, on a freeway, died. I began to feel the weight of what could have been and I was ever more grateful.

Earlier that day we had the 2nd bump for us off the mountain top of ecstatic emotion from the week before. The job my husband was offered, accepted and started in 2 days time, was taken away from him. A youthful indiscretion he thought he had taken care of, was not taken care of and he failed the background check that was required to pass for the job. Now it was his turn to process his own trauma.

I started to feel as if I couldn't trust anything else about last week. I did a check. Ok, the baby is fine. We have a home we are still confirmed was the right decision. Will my son's school be taken away? Is there anything else that can/will go wrong? What are we learning from these things?

Gratefully, I saw the turning down of his promised job as a blessing. How many other jobs turned him down for a failed background check that we knew was going on but then he didn't get the job because of this youthful indiscretion? Those potential employers never said a word about WHY he failed a background check, if he did or WHY they turned him down. Now we have the information we need to make sure it doesn't happen again! I began the paperwork process. My husband began the grieving process for this lost job which he had put his identity and his success into which now he saw as a failure as a man, father and as a husband. We made the decision to go to school full-time without a job for him. We can do it on my salary! It is tight, but we've been tight before. We talked about what it means to be a "provider" and that he IS a provider to his family, with and without a job! Getting a degree IS providing! An argument I had been making for years but had to wait until he was ready to hear it and accept it. He will be laid off from his temporary job in mid-April. That gives us 3 months to plan, prepare and save. We have done it before, we can do it again!!

The rest of January dragged on and on and on. Never have I wanted a month to end so badly.

Dylan had his 7th birthday!! He got more Legos since the last ones were such a hit and he was running out of Legos to build what he wanted. At the end of January was our joint family birthday party for the kids since Abigail's bday is 1 week after Dylan's. It was the last day of the month. You know how things come in threes, right? We were waiting for the third event that would round out January so we could be comforted February would go uneventful. We weren't wrong. In the middle of our family party with Uncle Bruce, Aunt Chris and Karin's family, Abigail choked on her birthday cake! Last trauma for the month! I promise!!

Aunt Chris noticed Abigail struggling, we look, she's doing the classic motioning to her neck, I jump up quick-like, rush to her, and do the only CPR I have seen for toddlers that happens to be 15+ years old!! I pick her up and face-down smack her on her back. It worked. Apparently, that technique is old school. I have since learned the new way of doing it. Ugh.

What goes up ...

2011-03-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

The following week was the week of 1.10.11. By far, the worst week we have ever had together.

After feeling so GREAT about all that we had been blessed with, we were blessed with trials. Unfortunately, these trials took away what we had worked so long and hard for. We kept the Lord close to us in our decisions. We knew the home we leased, the car we bought, the job we accepted were in line with what we felt were acceptable. Believe me, we had looked at other homes (for the last 3 months and especially the last week); we had turned down other job offers that we did not get a good confirmation for; we did not get better or cheaper cars we found. So, this week was a big blow! I still maintain our confirmations were right because if we didn't follow through, Abigail, the unborn baby and/or I wouldn't have lived and we wouldn't have found out what we needed to find out in order to get things corrected.

On with the stories ...

Monday, 1.10.11 the day started out great! Dylan was so excited to start his new school. We all went over with him, dropped him off, met the teacher, and kissed him goodbye. Dad went off to work. I went to work as normal, my afternoon break came as normal. I packed up Abigail in the 4Runner so we could make my 8 month prenatal doctor appt.

It was the first real snow storm we've seen in Missouri. On our way to the appointment, 15 miles away, I used all the same precautions I would normally use in any snow storm. I went slow, kept distance between other cars and myself, did not accelerate or brake too quickly, all the same techniques you learn and employ through years of driving in wet conditions. We had been warned that out here ice freezes first before snow sticks, regardless. So I was trying to be that much more careful since I hadn't driven these conditions before. I got on the first of 2 freeways heading towards my destination. I was going 20 mph below the speed limit, staying in the right lane which looked more plowed than the left which still had snow drifts and hadn't been plowed as lately as the right lane. Much to my surprise, I started fish tailing. I began correcting myself and of course, that is normal. My disaster driving training from high school kicked in and I started employing those techniques to allow the car to correct itself rather than me making it worse by "correcting." Then, it got worse. I heard a big "LET GO" so I did. We did a 360 degree turn and started to slow down. By now I was in the left lane, looking at on-coming traffic (luckily, there was none) and my hind hit the edge of the ditch that separates the Southbound traffic from the Northbound traffic. Once my slowing car hit that edge, it was over. I remember thinking, "Here we go." We landed on the driver's side, flipped once, twice and ended upside down.

Immediately, I went into crisis mode. I unbuckled my seatbelt and let myself fall to the ... roof, my foot was stuck (probably between the seat and the dashboard). I started panicking and heard a voice helping me to calm down. I stopped, breathed, unloosed my foot and climbed out my driver's side window. There were no windows left and I didn't notice the blood streaming down my arm. I felt a slight soreness on my head where the roof and my head connected on that first flip. My first thought, get to Abigail, get her out, check for leaking gas, call for help.

I rushed to the other side of the car where Abigail was screeching and I offered her comfort. She stopped screeching and allowed me to help unbuckle her and get her out from dangling upside down. I helped her crawl out of her window, check her over for injury and we started backing up away from the upside down wreckage of my new car! I heard a whizzing sound that I couldn't pin-point but before I could realize it was the tire losing air, a herd of strapping men came to my rescue and one sweet young lady with a toddler of her own who had pulled over and asked me to let my toddler sit in her car out of the cold. Once Abigail was gone I felt myself panic. All I could do was look for my purse for my phone and all I could think was to call my husband. The men started gathering things that had flown out of the car at some point, calling for help, and calming me down. Shock had started to settle in. As I was saying I needed my phone, one man gave me his and said not to worry about the blood. I still didn't notice. I called Darin. I left a message.

A local police officer was walking towards me. I started telling my story, looking for my car ins, my driver's license. At that point one of the men found my purse. It had flown 20 feet away from the wreck. I was summoned to the other side of the street to the car that had my sweet daughter in it who was just staring. I sucked up my panic and poked my head in. Gave her a smile and comforted her more. She wasn't crying, wasn't ... much of anything. She just stared and stared at me for any indication about how to react. Very surreal. I was pulled to the rear of the car where I could get the blood traced. Where was it coming from. I let them know I was 8 months pregnant. I noticed then how much I was shaking, how much blood was all over my coat. It didn't hurt. Surprising. My head hurt. How'd that get there!? It's a big goose egg.

Someone found my phone! It was in pieces, wet and unusable. I was given another phone to use, the police officer's. I called Darin over and over and over again. I called my boss - I had to let him know, I wasn't coming back in for the day, please let my students know. I called my Mom, please call Darin!! I called Uncle Bruce, please come pick me up. I denied an ambulance and signed ... something to that affect. What would I do with an ambulance? I have a toddler in shock, all I have is a goose egg and glass in my hand. A hospital would not be a good place for my girl. All in all, I'm fine. My husband will come and take me to the hospital. All I want is my husband. All I want is these questions to be over. All I want is these hands and helpers to know how grateful I am and to no more be needed. All I want is my husband. I want to throw this coat away! I want to go to the store now and buy new car seats. I want to purge myself of this trauma. It is unwanted and unneeded!

Finally, I saw a tow truck. How'd they get the car flipped back right? I missed it. Did I have the car seats out of the car? Yes. Was there anything else in the car I needed? Well, no. I hadn't had a chance to move into the car since we bought it only 3 days ago! Did I have insurance? Well, of course I do, but I hadn't had the chance to call my insurance company and formally add this new car. We bought the car after business hours on Friday! Finally, the questions were over. The police officer took me down the road to where Uncle Bruce was waiting for us. I started to cry - suck it up! Not yet! Abigail is still staring. I look back at her. Smile. Say something, anything! "Wow, honey! That was ... interesting!? You ok?" "Yes, Mommy."

Uh, oh. Uncle Bruce! He loves us! I see the concern in his eyes. He gives us bear hugs. Suck back the tears. Not yet! He doesn't know how to help. He ushers Abigail in the car. We say thank you to the police. Bruce wants to take me to the hospital. No. I need my husband. I will go into his place of work if I have to and retrieve him. He's the only one that can make this all go away!! We are two blocks from his work. He calls! Thank heaven! He got my messages, my Mom's messages. He leaves work. He sees me and doesn't show any emotion. Thank heaven or I would lose it. Uncle Bruce lets us know he will take Abigail, no question about it. We can come get her later.

On the way to the hospital, all Darin says is "That's the best $5,000 I've ever spent." I lose it.

January

2011-03-18T10:34:00.000-07:00

2011 begins!!!

The day after New Years we began the trek home to Missouri. Dylan came home Sunday morning and Mom and I enjoyed our last 5 hours stretch together driving back to St. George. She dropped me off in St. George and we got to spend the next week visiting my in-laws. It was fun to visit Great Gma and Great Gpa, Dianna and Chad and their sweet kids. I got to go to the temple with my Mom-in-law in St. George where I just had such a wonderful and amazing spiritual time. My bro-in-law Bryan and his new wife visited and I loved seeing everyone!!

Our farewell dinner with my Mom at Cafe Rio.
Had a great visit with Grandma Linda.
My in-laws took me to the "Forgotten Carols." It was such a fun time. We got to go with Great Grandma and Great Grandpa, Diana and Chad.

The whole group of in-laws in St. George.

The week I was in St. George was amazing for our lil' family. We found out that Dylan got into Thomas Jefferson! He scored in the 87th percentile for all his tests (reading, comprehension, study skills and math). The financial aid package we got was sufficient to cover 1/2 of his tuition and he could start as soon as we got home! We also found out that Darin got the job he was praying for!! It was the job that he was most qualified for and the wage was higher than what he was earning in Utah and for a company he wanted to be with so badly!!! With each of these miraculous things we got blessed with, we needed a new car to tote Darin to and from his new job 40 minutes away and Dylan to and from his new school. We found a perfect car for us, a used 1993 Toyota 4Runner. It had 150K miles on it, but every review I read for it, it would last us another 100K miles. It was in prime condition and it was within the budget we had planned for it. We felt comforted that it was the right one for us and got the Go-Ahead to purchase it. Lastly, we FINALLY got the confirmation to go ahead and find a place for us to settle into.

We searched for more places online and found a bunch of houses to rent for a lot less than any apartment we could rent in Utah!! For perspective, a 1-bedroom apartment in Utah can run, on average $600-700/month!!! We were looking at 3 bedroom HOUSES for the same price!

Darin visited the places and walked through them with the landlords while I was online "walking through" with him on Skype. Isn't technology AMAZING! We felt the best about one place and went ahead with the down payment and signing the lease. After months of searching, pondering, praying, fasting, trying and more trying, we finally had the home, the job and the school we needed. I finally felt like we were settling down and were where we needed to be. I could breath again! Oh, it was nice. That week was the most euphoric week ever for my nerves. Darin spent the rest of the week moving in for us while I was in Utah with the kids. What a blessing! I didn't have to do any of the heavy lifting.

At the end of the week, me and my pregnant self and two young kids in tow made the trip home. My awesome friend from Vegas, Kristine, drove up to St George, picked us up and we shacked with her over night until it was time to go to the airport. She came with us to the gate (thank you so much!!) and hung out until it was time to go. We got on the plane and had a great trip home. We were SO happy to see Dad! It was amazing how much I had missed him. He wore his new suit and shaved just for me. He's so funny. That day, rather than enjoying the time home and resting, we had to pick up the new car, sign and pay for the new school, turn in the lease and contract for the new home and utilities, end our lease with the storage unit and ... THEN, we got to enjoy being home. We went to Red, Hot and Blue to celebrate - YAY, finally found one since Virginia's location shut down. It was a great day.
Yup, there I am ... pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen ... lookin' for something to EAT. I'm always hungry these days.

Finally, I got to see the new house. I LOVE it!! Darin, ya done good!!! I learned, too, Skype doesn't give you a great picture of all things. The house is so much better than it appeared online, bigger, too!

Our front door. It reminds me of a little corner shop.
The hall entrance (and Aba's lil' head bouncing in to see her new home).
The kitchen and 1/2 the living room.

The dining room.

The garage off the kitchen. Spacious enough for the car and storage.

The kids' room.
The office.
The kids' bathroom.
Our bathroom.
Our bedroom and Dylan claiming the "big room is MINE." lol

December

2011-03-18T09:47:00.000-07:00

I won't say I am "on track" again or that I have any intention of being "on track." I've decided, this is just LIFE. You get caught up, then you fall behind. It is normal. I no longer have guilt or will feel guilty for not keeping up whether that is with the Jones' or with what I think is a Jones. With that said ...

ON TO DECEMBER

December was a long month. It was crazy, busy, exciting and finally, ended.

We were so hoping that we would have a job and could buy a home and be moved into our new place, settle down in our new life, whatever the Lord had planned for us, all by December 1st. Well, December 1st was closing in on us, no word about a job, lots of interviews, no call backs only happy denial letters were coming. December 1st came ... and went. We extended our stay with Uncle Bruce and Aunt Chris. That is when I realized, FINE - obviously YOUR time, NOT MINE Dear Lord! Oh, how I really had so much put into the stability and home I had built in Utah and how much I DIDN'T realize I had relied on that new-found stability and home until it was whisked away by our priority of following His guidance.

No matter, the Lord has something BETTER planned for us, right!? Darin continued to study, apply for jobs and do what he could to help us earn our keep (which often meant helping Bruce with websites, manual labors and other oddities). I continued to work and homeschool Dylan. As the baby in my belly continued to grow the idea of me homeschooling with a newborn while balancing a toddler and working from home became unbearable. I began looking into other schooling options for Dylan. As always, public school is out of the question. There are some private schools out here, but for the most part they have certain religious affiliations. That is out of the question for Darin. Chris mentioned a non-religious and very well reputable private school, Thomas Jefferson. We took the month of December and began the process the school has for enrollment, which is right on par with the application process for COLLEGE! It is an amazing process and rigorous. We first had to tour the school, meet with the Director of Admissions, fill out the application, attend an interview, fill out financial aid (because it is an actual private school, admissions is very expensive), turn in all the financial aid documentation required, much like the FAFSA. The process doesn't end there, Dylan had to go to school for a full day to be observed and tested which would let the school know if he was ready for their curriculum and if he was a good "fit" both with his classmates, behaviorally and academically! WOW. After that, his results of all the processes so far had to be reviewed and determined by a board a Yay or Nay for admissions. FOR A SIX YEAR OLD!

My motivations? Well, the school is amazing. They have top-of-the-line technology; students begin learning a 2nd AND THIRD language from pre-K; they are not standardized test driven; they are collegiate-based driven; they offer art, music, P.E., etc that I cannot offer as a homeschooler out here in a small town (in SLC I was able to join clubs and groups that supplemented our curriculum); and the biggest motivation for me ... 100% of their graduates go on to college!!!! This is my investment into my child's future education. Their class sizes are small, each grade has approximately 20 students so there is a lot of one-on-one attention!! They offer tutorials for as young as 1st graders for students who need extra practice (what a great way to begin study habits). Graduates average 1.1 million dollars PER YEAR in MERIT-BASED scholarships! Amazing!!! Need I say more? I really can!! Anyway, so with the expense, with the process, I am highly motivated. I have high expectations for my childrens' education and Thomas Jefferson is the closest to match my expectations than any other option I have found and believe me, I have been looking!!!

The only down side (and it isn't much of a downside because of all the up-sides), my child is between 1 and 4 years ahead of his grade/age in various subjects. This school does not have an accelerated program, but is on par with curriculum being offered for 1st graders at other schools. The difference is ... see above!! Plus, in 7th grade they get to start Latin. They begin accelerated education in higher grades, so I'm not worried.

So, with the process started and finished and the waiting game commencing, we are at the middle of the month already.

Take a break if you need one ... this post is loooooong

Closer to Christmas we made sure to do our annual Gingerbread house. Aunt Chris joined us. We had a ton of fun with the assortment of candies and fondant. Be sure to catch the Hansel and Gretel witch at the top of the house. After it was all said and done I mentioned to Darin, "I bet you couldn't eat that witch without puking." Knowing he couldn't pass up a comment against his masculinity like this, of course, he had to wager a bet. I bet him $20 of our money that he couldn't do it. You'll see who won below.

Before moving out of Utah, the agreement I made Dylan's "one-Daddy" (as he calls him) was that Dylan will fly home three times per year. Every other Fall break, Christmas, Spring break, Thanksgiving and for 1/2 the summer as long as he is current on any support obligations. Dylan already flew in October for Fall break, all by himself. That was a hard. He loved it, of course. It was a great big adventure for a 6 yo. 2010 is the year for Fall break and Christmas. I booked tickets for all of us to go back to Utah to visit for Christmas.

The way airline tickets work is amazingly expensive. For one ticket, only available through Delta for an unaccompanied minor, tickets for Christmas were about $700 (total)!! I booked tickets for all four of us on a regional airline for the full break plus a week for $700!!! Darin still didn't have a job and so there was no point in him staying home, alone for Christmas so he got a ticket, too. We were days away from leaving on our Utah Christmas vacation ... and ...

Darin got a job! Of course, he has to take it. We aren't picky. It was a temporary job working at a call center offering IT support for tax software during tax season. He took the job and we took a plane. Before we left, we had Christmas for our family 12/18. Way early, but way fun. Pics to come.

Our family tradition for Christmas is to keep the meaning of Christmas as close to the surface as possible so we only get 3 gifts and our budget is small. The three gifts are symbolic to the 3 Christ got from the Wise Men. It works out even better than other Christmas' we've had or have heard about because the gifts become more meaningful and the Spirit is so much more evident as we ponder the true meaning of Christmas and the limit creates more personalized gifts. Plus, with small budgets, things get creative. This year I tried to stay away from buying books. I'm a book feign and my kids have a million books.

Christmas morning ...

Instead, Dylan got Legos, a Belt Blaster Nerf gun (he's been asking for since September) and a panda bear Pillow Pet. Abigail got a Lady Bug board game, a lady bug Pillow Pet and a magnetic dress-up doll. The gifts were perfect. The kids LOVED them. Dylan kept repeating "this Christmas was the best Christmas ever" and "the Legos were the best gift ever." Even after he came back from his "one-Dad's" house, he still said it!!! Whether it is his age and level of cognition or what, I don't care. I'm taking that compliment and keeping it close to my heart!!! What a doll for saying such ... oh, sorry, I'm not allowed to call him a doll anymore. He's my "action figure!" What a great action figure for saying such nice things and validating Mom's hard work to find the perfect gifts for Christmas. The kids carried their Pillow Pets everywhere the whole time we traveled to and from Utah. They were a big hit, too. Abigail swooned over her dress up doll and just loved it from morning until night the whole rest of the month.

Dylan had so much fun with his Belt Blaster, but I believe Uncle Bruce had the most fun trolling around the house and shooting anyone who was (or wasn't) looking! It was so fun. The kids got special gifts from Aunt Chris and Uncle Bruce, too. Abigail got chapstick and a necklace. Dylan got explorer gifts and a flashlight. Dylan made Abigail an ABC necklace so "she can learn her ABCs." She knows her letters and now she gets to learn what they look like. What a thoughtful kid.

This year we were able to do Christmas Eve PJs. The kids desperately needed new PJs and all our warm comfy PJs were in storage. We expected to be in our own place by now and able to wear them. Darn, but we did get to buy new ones. Yum!

Mom got a couple maternity sweaters for her gifts and the kids and Dad made her new church bags. Darin got a complete new dress outfit. He looks WAY nice. He got new khaki dress pants, a new button up dress shirt, a new silk tie, and new dress socks. He got to wear them earlier than our early Christmas since his gifts were to rock interviews and look oh-so professional!! I know it worked! He is such a stud.

The next day we were off to Utah, leaving behind my sweet husband. Bruce and Chris were also heading out to Utah for the holidays so Darin would be completely alone. I was bummed for him, but he was excited to have the time to knock out his studying and enjoy working a job for the first time in three months. I asked for members of our Ward to take him in for Christmas and/or Christmas Eve. I was sorely disappointed when he did not get much of an invitation and was ultimately forgotten about for the entire length of our adventures.

Needless to say, we were both worried for me 7 months pregnant with a toddler and a 6 yo traveling with 3 carry-ons and a laptop case through airports and on the plane with a car seat. Whew! It was a mess. People were generally nice about it until we got to Vegas. People were much less patient and kind in Vegas. Go figure. We made it, though. The trip was excellent. Abigail had a blast on her first airplane ride. The kids played well together and all was agreeable. We landed in Las Vegas and my sweet brother-in-law was there to pick us up. We had a great chat on the car ride home to my in-law's house. The next day, my sister came to pick us up from St. George and tow us home to Salt Lake City where I would get to spend the next two weeks with my Mom. It was a round-about and long way to get from Missouri to SLC, but we did it and we did it well. Thanks to all who helped us!!

I dropped Dylan off at his "one-Dad's" house, much to my dismay and Abigail and I began our two week visit with Grandma. It was awesome. Mom and I had a wonderful time catching up, talking about so many things, finding out what we had in common and how much we enjoy many of the same things. It was a re-connection that meant the world and more to me! I wouldn't trade any of the happenings over that two weeks for anything because I got so much more out of my relationship with my Mom than I thought possible. I got to visit family and friends. Abigail and I visited Klasina, Sarah, Sharane, Melissa, Kim, Jen and many other friends and family. I even got a surprise Christmas delivery from my husband. He ordered and sent me flowers, my favorites - Lilies! Mom and I got to go to the new Oquirrh Mountain temple.

Christmas came and went. We got to go to my Aunt's house and see the rest of my Mom's side of the family. It was so great to see everyone and hang out like old times. It was exactly what I was looking for. I had already missed my family soooo much more than I thought I would. Abigail got to play in the snow and got a new Christmas dress from Grandma.

New Year's came and went.

and now it is January ...

Turkey Day and other adventures

2010-12-28T06:24:00.000-08:00

Yay, it's Turkey month. I LOVE the fall. The fall is the best time of year. Light jacket weather, beautiful colors on the trees, lots of fun outdoor stuff still left to do.

First, my birthday was at the beginning of the month. My husband desperately wanted to get me a spa package for my growing pregnant body. It would have been wonderful, but I wanted to be together, not naked under some sheets with a stranger touching me ... eew. Maybe some other time. So, he decided we were going to go 4-wheeling, a past time I had not had much encounter with and was interested in. Him and my son piled as many of the millions of leaves around the house as high as they could, got me on the 4-wheeler and I got to BLAST right through them like a parade of leaves. It was so fun. Then with the kids' help, we did it again and again and again.

Bruce and Chris had so much fun with us playing in the leaves and riding the 4-wheelers. I learned how to drive it and took my husband around and my son around. Eventually, I caught the 4-wheeler on FIRE!! Oops. Luckily, Bruce and Chris have an amazing sense of humor. We all learned that leaves don't just fall out of the nooks and crannies of a 4-wheeler engine. After we played in the leaves some more, we dropped the kids off to my husband's cousin and we had a wonderful dinner date. His cousin, Karin invited the kids to spend the night so Darin and I had a quiet house all to ourselves with no obligations to wake up for in the morning. It was wonderful. We were still in bed by 9pm and we still watched our TV shows before falling asleep, but not having to do the bedtime routine, fight against stall tactics and waking up well before any one of us is ready was delightful!

Next, was the annual Westwood household leaf day. (In case I forgot to mention, we are living with Darin's Uncle and Aunt in Missouri while Darin finds work and we are able to get into a home. They are amazing people and have been AMAZING to us.) Apparently, every year Bruce lets his leaves fall until you can swim in them, no joke - there is a TON. Then a bunch of Elders come over (and they look forward to it every year) and help rake the leaves into the bed of a trailer, drive down their three acres and dump all the leaves into a fire pit, watch them burn and go back for more. It's fascinating to watch these boys have as much fun as they do. Darin loved it! The kids LOVED it. I haven't seen the kids play outside for as long as they did those days EVER. They were outside playing for the entire day, cold, it didn't matter.

Finally, the best part of the month when stores close, families spread out to their respective homes, get-togethers are planned, turkeys are cooked, corn and green beans are made into interesting plates and lots of downtime is found around the TV, the dinner table, the card table, wherever. For this Thanksgiving, we traveled South from Missouri to Dallas, TX to visit my brother. My brother has been living in Dallas for his whole adult life. He is 11 years older than me and he has NEVER had family come to him for a holiday. He hasn't always come to us, but he has never gotten to host HIS family. He was thrilled when we asked if we could join him. He worked so hard to get the dinner ready and perfect and his house ready for my poor asthmatic-and-severely-allergic-to-cats husband (my brother has five cats!!). We rented a hotel room, cheapest we could find (ended up being a pet friendly hotel, oops!). My husband was drugged on Benedryl and an inhaler all weekend with a Dr. Pepper in his hand to keep him from falling asleep - what a great guy, sacrificing so much so he can be with my family.

We arrived Wednesday night, met my brother at the hotel for a quick "hi." Got up on Thursday morning to head to his house and found our car DEAD. Oh, wow. What a weekend this will be. Turns out my six-month old battery was toast. We blamed it on Darin leaving the lights on, the drastic weather change to freezing, the no-name brand of the battery, who knows. Then we feared it would be something worse than the battery and started panicking (ok, I did the panicking) that it was the alternator or some other expensive part. My poor car has been an angel to all the abuse we've given to her for the last three years. I couldn't imagine she would give up now. So, on Thanksgiving Day, a couple nice boys tried to jump us. Sadly, their cables or ours wouldn't produce any juice. I called my brother to come rescue us, happily, laughing all the way, he did. We sauntered into his house since the car threatened to die on us the whole way to my brother's house, parked it and left it there until we left for the hotel 9 hrs later.

The 9 hrs at my brother's house was great! It was such a wonderful experience. We hung out, watched movies, played computer games, cooked, talked, hung out. It felt like such a great family time experience. I hope never to forget it. The kids enjoyed their time with Uncle David and Aunt Shannon, playing Wii, watching movies, playing with the cats and their cousins (all are God kids of my brother and his wife).

The next day (Friday) we avoided doing any shopping ... Black Friday and all. Instead, we spent the morning looking for a vendor who sells the type of battery in my car. We went to about a dozen places. ZERO luck, so we bought a new battery, had it installed and didn't have a problem again. We spent the afternoon at Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum.

It was a blast seeing all the freaking things. It was Dylan's only request and so we made it happen. The best was the mirror maze. The six of us going around in circles, returning to the entrance when we thought we were making headway out of there. Finally, we made it. It was hilarious, Abigail walked into mirrors, not understanding, David disappeared and played with the mirrors to direct us all over, Darin and Dylan wondered off and were lost together while Shannon and I stayed together confused. It was so fun. Afterward, back to Uncle David's house for left overs and more hanging out. That night the cousins babysat for us so we could go on a double date with David and Shannon. We went and saw Harry Potter 7. It was pretty good. Then Uncle David invited the kids to stay over night so Darin and I could go to the Dallas Temple.

The temple was awesome. It was the first time in a loooong time we had been able to get to the temple. Rather sad when we lived within 15 miles of 4 different temples in Salt Lake City. But we went, we were there, we served. It was a wonderful time. We both cried and felt the Spirit and enjoyed the companionship. When we got back to Uncle David's we enjoyed participating in their Christmas tradition of putting up the tree and decorating the day after Thanksgiving. It wasn't the day after, but it was a lot of fun. Abigail kept saying "Look Mom, we found CHRISTMAS!!" Dylan enjoyed fighting with Abigail about what ornament to put where. I love having siblings for my children.

Sunday we went out for breakfast at IHOP, my favorite and said our Goodbyes. We had such a blast and didn't want to leave, but the weekend was over. It was awesome to get back together with my brother and celebrate the greatest holiday of the year with him and his family. Next year, we plan on doing it again for Christmas! Should be fun!!

October

2010-12-14T12:21:00.000-08:00

Falling behind ... again ...

October was a GREAT month. Darin started school again at WGU earning his IT-Security B.S. and we got to begin the holiday season beginning with Halloween!!

We really love Halloween. It is the month you can dress up as anyone you want and have FUN. We don't have a lot of social parties we get to attend as adults anymore, being single was much easier for that, so now we maximize our kids' venues. It is fun for us and fun for the kids and they really LOVE playing dress up with Mom and Dad.

This year we were a family of Pirates. My son has humored me for the last 6 years of Halloweens and has allowed me to dress him up as part of our "theme" each year. Some years he demands a costume of his own and we compromise. I hope he still enjoys being a family of ... something ... for the next 6 years. Otherwise, this could get expensive.

My first couple Halloweens with kids I made the costumes. They were easy; Hercules one year (Mom and Dad were Zeus and Harah), Bam-Bam another year, simple! We try to keep cost down so we costume shop most of the month. We settled this year with matching Pirate costumes which is great!! Last year we were a family of Incredibles and had our annual family photos shot in our costumes (see the link, http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=417950&id=845670461 to view). Loved it! This year, we won't do that, but we did have fun being Pirates together.

The kids wore their costumes the entire month and well into November. That's when I know it is a good buy. My son's is already worn out! Thin material, ah well.

First, we went to the town square. Where we moved has a "downtown" that is just a square. It is way cute. The surrounding shops handed out candy. We rushed down when I got off work (right before it ended) and were lucky to get what we got. We were the only parents that dressed up, too. So sad, but maybe those parents that dressed up had already left? Next, we had the Ward Halloween party that was complete with a fashion show/contest, yummy treats and a Trunk-or-Treat. Again, we were the only parents that dressed up. Last, we went to the library Trick-or-Treat. There wasn't much Trick-or-Treating, but we got to read books with the library dogs (pet adoption organization) that are popular visitors for the library and enjoy color pages and books. Can't hate that. And the kids still loved it.

By the end of the month, we had had our fill of Halloween and were VERY much looking forward to the next round of holiday cheer - THANKSGIVING, my favorite! YUM.

Ok ... where was I?

2010-11-07T09:30:00.000-08:00

Ah, yes, I have caught you up through August. Now we are in September. The month of packing, chaos and moving.

We said our goodbyes to as many folks as we could. Our first plan was to move to St. Louis, MO. I had no interest in living in KS City, MO and Springfield, MO didn't have any jobs for the husband. So, no other larger towns existed that we could think of ... so, we were headed to St. Louis. The closer our moving-day came, the more we realized we were not meant to be in St. Louis ... for now. We secured living arrangements with Darin's Uncle and Aunt in the SW corner of Missouri, not near St. Louis at all! However, we had a plan and we made our escape. Leaving behind 30 years for my husband, 8.5 years for me, 6.5 yrs for my son, 2.5 yrs for my daughter ...

A NEW ADVENTURE.

We hit the road.

The drive was actually pretty good. We left Saturday morning. I was lucky and woke up Saturday morning with an incredibly bad cold. I can't remember when I had such a bad cold. So exciting for a 3 day trip ahead of us. Darin in the truck, me in the car with two kids. We made it to St. George. Our plans were to hang out with Darin's parents for the weekend, maybe make it to Hoover Dam as one last "Hooray" for the West Coast sites to see. With my bad cold and the route we decided to take, it was not possible. We canceled our plans to visit Las Vegas and the Hoover Dam and I stayed in sick all Saturday and all Sunday. Monday morning, I was well enough to make it with tissues in tow, Halls cough drops and lots of water. To tell the truth, it was way nice to be sick in St. George and have parents who wanted to take care of me. That was a way cool experience - being doted upon. But, good things must come to an end, we must move on and I NEED to be healthy!

Monday morning ... we were off ... again. We drove the route to the Grand Canyon and suffered through Arizona. There is just NOT much to see. It is not as flat as I had thought. There are red cliffs everywhere and we took a lot of canyon roads, so it was still pretty fun. Below is an overlook right at the bottom of the Canyons as you go to the Grand Canyon, smack in the middle of Arizona.

Finally, after about 8 hours we made it to the first town in New Mexico, Gallup. We planned on stopping in Albuquerque, but that wasn't realistic for two young kids STUCK to their car seats for so long and after we discovered that we stop every 2-3 hours - makes for a VERY LOOONG trip!! In Gallup, we got a hotel, crashed - slept great and were off again the next morning!!!

We drove through the rest of New Mexico and were planning on stopping in Amarillo, TX for lunch and try to make it to Oklahoma City, OK for the night ... nope ... not the way it worked out.

RIGHT outside of TX, by one mile!! My car DIED. Darin was way ahead of me in the truck and my cell phone was about to die. There was construction through most of the state of NM and so I had no shoulder to pull over into as I coasted to a stop. There was a huge semi-truck behind me and I didn't know what to do. I put the hazards on, pulled over into the brush and hoped the cars weren't wide enough to slam into me. I called Darin with the few minutes I had to get him to pull over and wait. I called my mother-in-law to help me find a service station!! In the meantime, I tried turning the car on and it would struggle to idle and die. There didn't seem to be a problem with the engine, transmission, starter because it would START, it just would not idle before it died.

Mom found a little town 7 miles into TX. After a few minutes, the car started. I drifted into the traffic and within 1 mile I died again. Wow, this was going to be a LONG 7 miles. Finally, the car had rested enough after a few more minutes that we were able to drive into the first town into Texas. There a mechanic met us at a gas station right off the freeway - THANK YOU MOM! I met back up with Darin and the mechanic had nothing to say other than, "hmmm, it might be your fuel filter." Yikes. He directed us to ... Amarillo - still about 45 miles away. As we were talking to the mechanic and the awesome towns folk that were ready and willing to offer as much information to us about who they know that tows, fixes cars and the like along the way to Amarillo, the soft warm rain fell - just like the Texas I remember from my youth!!

Apparently, that 30 or so minutes of rest and rain cooled whatever was wrong and we were able to make it to Amarillo with NO problems. Along the way, Darin was able to get in touch with his Uncle who simply suggested it was a concentration of gas vapors in the gas tank. Hmm, interesting, makes a bit of sense, I guess. My car has never driven such long distances, with so much weight and packaging and through such changes of weather. So we pulled over in Amarillo, took everything out of the trunk, ate some dinner and did not had a problem for the rest of the trip. So glad it wasn't the fuel pump. That night we made it to Shamrock, Texas.

New Mexico was about as boring as Arizona. At least there was interesting red rock formations in AZ. NM there was a lot of white cliff, but mostly flat.

The whole time, the kids were ... well, kids! Dylan read the whole time, played with his toys and asked a lot of questions. Once in a while, the kids would play together. When the car broke down, Dylan asked, "what are we going to do?" I said, well, we might just have to walk. In reply, Dylan said, "what about all our stuff?" "Well, we will have to leave it and come back."

Abigail, though, was freaking out. She is not a good hostage, let alone for hours. So by the time we got back in the car and headed out from Gallup, NM, she knew we weren't going back to the home she knew. She asked a lot about where is Gma and Gpa, where is Dad, where are we going, then she started to get emotional. There is nothing to stop that. When we were headed to Oklahoma City and ended up stopping in Shamrock, NM, she lost it. My heart broke. She said, "I don't want to go, I'll be happy, I'll be good!" Oh, my. The understanding of a two-year old. It seemed like she thought she was in trouble! So, we pulled over to let the kids have a break, have a good night and enjoy our family. She was MUCH happier after that.

The third day ... the final stretch ... we wanted to be so much closer than we were to our destination. Once we FINALLY passed through the borders of Missouri, though, we felt AT HOME!! We MADE IT. It was a wonderful feeling. From a little ways out of NM, the sky scape changed a ton. Texas had it's rolling hills and more green that one would think. It was humid and sweet, which I love! From Texas on, the green got greener, the hills got more rolling and the treeline blended into the horizon further and further and further out.

WE ARRIVED!

Shortly after we arrived, my husband celebrated his 31st birthday!! Happy birthday, sweetheart. Welcome to a new year of adventure.

August ... our lives are now changing

2010-10-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

August was a very long, hard month.

Out of nowhere, Darin decided HE WAS DONE!!! He quit school. He couldn't do it anymore at the U of U. He was burnt out and was dreading going back to school or to class. That was a blow. He has been struggling for a very long time with school. We have been through many different options to make school work because he felt it was important for him to finish and that it was something that he was prompted to do. He tried full time school with no work, with part time work. He tried part time school with full time work, with part time work. He tried full time school and full time work. By the end of it, he was done. He wanted a break. He needed a better option. Luckily, I work for a University. We happen to offer the program he wanted that the U of U didn't offer and it has a better curriculum than what the U of U offered. He began the process to slowly begin at WGU for his IT - Security B.S.

Then, I felt an urgent prompting that we needed to move. MOVE? What!!? We were in the process of buying a house and settling down! For the first time in my LIFE I felt like I had a HOME. We had made a family and established our lives, had great friends, routines, all of it. WHY in the world would we need to MOVE? Plus, what does THAT mean? Move down the street? Across town? To the next city over? Out of state? Abroad (I would totally be ok with that one)?

I said to my husband, "Darin, I think we need to move." I wanted to leave it open to him reassuring me I was just kidding or that it wasn't really that we needed to move, but something needed to change. I hadn't had the "bug" to move in about 2 years so for a bug of this size to creep into our home and disrupt MY life. I was very unsure. As a response, my husband said, "WHEW! I was wondering how to break it to you!!" WHAT? Another bombshell. Apparently, he had gotten the same prompting about 2 months or so before me (such is the way our spiritual lives work).

Now what ...

We began praying and fasting and pondering and making decisions. First, it was, "Yup, you need to move." Then it was ok ... where? Our answer, MISSOURI! What!! We had so many other options on the table, why MO? Ok ... when? ASAP. Surely, we could move in November ... Nope ... NOW. Oh, Ok ...

So, our decisions were made. We were officially moving. We had 5 weeks to the date we chose and that felt "acceptable." We started hunting for homes and jobs in the St. Louis, MO area because there is no way I will move to Kansas City and there is no other real cities with a demand for IT. Springfield is a good size city, but no jobs. We began the process of renting a truck, saying our goodbyes, packing and making the necessary arrangements. By the end of August, we were set. We had our plans, we had our living arrangements - Darin's Uncle lives in MO and will shack us up for a month or two until we can get on our feet, find a place, rent/buy, find a job, etc.

Now, all we had to do was wait ... Wait until our moving day - September 18. It felt like it was forever away.

Family Reunion for July 24

2010-10-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

The Utah holiday, Pioneer Day on July 24 means it is FAMILY REUNION time. This year we made sure to go. We went to the little town of Marysvale, UT and camped, played with the 4-wheelers that were rented, went to the town's parade, enjoyed the town's rodeo and attended the childrens' FISH rodeo. Abigail was so tuckered out, she passed out where we were sitting and missed the fish rodeo.

July

2010-10-30T11:21:00.000-07:00

July was a GREAT month! I will have to post twice because of all the pics we took. I don't take a lot of pics, but in July I didn't forget!

We had an amazing month! The best Independence Day I can remember. We had a lot of FUN family time and we enjoyed the perfectly, warm weather. This is the month we found out - WE'RE PREGNANT!!

First, we bought a Slip-n-Slide. Dad and Mom took turns showing the kids just how it's done! We had a blast. Dylan can go FAST. Dad turned on his back he went so fast and scraped up his back. OUCH.

Then, we had Fourth of July fun at Liberty Park. We chose the top Southeast hillside to watch the fireworks. It ended up being a PERFECT place to land. We got there early enough to get a great place to stretch out, set up camp and play at the park. When the fireworks started, the babies weren't having as much fun as the rest of us.

Next, we went to the Hill Airforce Base Museum and explored all the amazing planes and contraptions that the Airforce plays with to make our world a safer place. Of course, there were amazing exhibits, AND a child play area, complete with a dress-up stage so you can FLY the simulation machines. AWESOME!!!

June

2010-10-30T11:00:00.000-07:00

June was a fun time! We had a lot happen ...

I GRADUATED with my Master's. Wahoo!! That was a challenge, but totally worth it.

I got a new job that allows me to work from home AND pays me what a graduate of a Master's program should make!! Can't hate that. Now I work at Western Governor's University. I highly recommend checking out WGU for any parent who wants to work from home and has a college degree with work be!!We also added a new addition to our family. We rescued another dog that was about to be put-down. He is the best dog I have had, yet! For those of you who know Ruby, our Viszla; you know that Ruby is an amazing dog. Blue (our new dog's name) is even BETTER. Blue is a pure bred Blue Nose Pit Bull. He is a little over a year and already very well trained. We just adore a lil' Blue.

Of course, for those who are worried, we did not just get him on a whim. We know the stigma of a Pit Bull. We did our homework. He is an incredibly good dog and we are very well aware what others think!

May canyons

2010-10-24T09:46:00.000-07:00

In May we had our family vacation. We had been planning for it since October when we started our History unit in homeschool. Our first experience in History was about continents and landmarks for each continent. The song goes like this:

North America
The Canyon Grand
South America
Amazon land
Antarctica
The snow is high
And Africa
The desert's dry

North America
South America
Antartica and Africa

Europe, Asia
Castles, Great Wall
And Australia
Best Reef of all
South Pole, North Pole
Bottom and Top
And that's my world
It's time to stop

Europe, Asia
And Australia
South Pole, North Pole
And that's my world

It is a really catchy song and makes learning the continents fun! Naturally, we couldn't visit the Great Wall, the Amazon, Europe's castles or the Great Barrier Reef. I would never visit Antarctica - brrr, too cold! Instead, we decided we were conveniently located very close to the Grand Canyon and often visit St. George near the Grand Canyon so it wasn't a big leap or an expensive leap to make our History lessons real for our family. We invited our dear friends and parents.

And since we were staying in St George, we got lots of great time together with Darin's brother and his new girlfriend, Darin's parents and my dear friend from Vegas. Below are some pics. Check out Aba's hair in the second photo - hilarious!! The wind was so strong!

From the beginning ...

2010-10-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

My last post ... February ... then, I dropped off. However, our family continued to balance Darin gone for work and commuting on the bus from 6am-8pm every M-F/S and me being home until 130pm-1130pm M-F when I was at work. I was still balancing homeschool in the morning and my own studies in the afternoon. We were winding up towards Spring and life was moving on.

In April my sister asked to move in around the same time my sister-in-law asked to move in. Both sisters have two kids and my mom would accompany my sister-in-law. Luckily, we had just finished our basement over the Winter and had the space to make it work. Albeit, we knew it would be hard and cramped, I believe you can do anything for a short period of time for the benefit of helping others. As it was, my sister-in-law only needed to know she had an option at that point. She was hoping to get a job and if it worked out, would move to our home for the duration of her new job training. My sister needed a place to get back on her feet after some rough times. Shortly after the phone call, my sister and her two kids moved in.

We made it work, cozily. My sister has one girl and one boy. The boys shared my son's new room and the girls shared my daughter's bedroom. My sister re-claimed the office next to our bedroom and we divided the two living rooms between us. My sister had her own living room upstairs, we had our own living room downstairs in the new basement which was huge and doubled as our playroom and office for homeschool. It worked and I think it worked well! A 2000 sqft house with 4 bedrooms can totally house 7 people.

Inspired

2010-10-24T08:29:00.001-07:00

I have been inspired to "catch up" on my entries. A beautiful family that we are friends with just "caught up" and it was so fun to see their adventures and read about their family growth!! Now, I want to have fun "catching up" my family and re-visit their adventures over the year. With the exception of anything substantial, I will not catch up 2009. There is just too much I have either forgotten or lost (in memory). So sad!

Let's start with a "where we are NOW." The details and (hopefully) pictures to come.

We moved to Missouri!!
We are living with an amazing Uncle and Aunt until Darin can find a job and/or until next month.
I got a new job and work from home (legitimately!!).
I graduated with my Master's degree!! Whew.
We are (loosely and horribly failing miserable at) potty training Aba.
Dylan is now in FIRST grade!!
We still homeschool.
Darin transferred colleges and is now at the college for which I work.
We had our family vacation with some best friends to the Grand Canyon! What a FUN experience.

AND ...

We are PREGNANT!!! (For real, this time).

At this rate!

2010-02-16T12:42:00.000-08:00

Pics I haven't shared. There's so many more to come.

Dylan's super cool scientific magnifying glasses
(on loan from Gpa! Thanks, Gpa!)

Aba during homeschool

Dylan's new room

Big cheese for Christmas

Sassy lil' girl

I think I'm lonely

2010-02-14T17:17:00.000-08:00

Depression runs so deeply and wildly throughout my family. It is a clinical and real problem. For some of my family members it is a disease, a disorder and for others it is just the way it is. I have always denied having depression. I never wanted to join that side of my family and have to take a thousand perscription pills per day. I have always been happy and upbeat, trying to be optimistic and full of life. When I became an at-home mom, so much crap hit the fan and I felt re-traumatized all over again for things I had hidden deep inside. I denied falling into a depression for a long time. I felt that as long as I was homeschooling and keeping my house picked up, I wasn't depressed. I isolated myself from my neighbors and sometimes got brave, ventured out and quickly came back home. Other times I got brave and invited neighbors over for dinner or so my son could have a playdate. Secretly, I was hoping they would cancel or something would come up. Sadly, very rarely were these attempts ever reciprocated. This doesn't make me a bad person, just a fearful one. I figured all I needed was a job. Yes, a job would distract me. I would find the energy again and I would be able to be the mom I should be and I would be able to fill my days before and after work with productivity. I blamed the eventless mommihoodness on my "boredom."

It has been a year since finding my job. Our family is incredibly blessed. We have amazing neighbors whom we've grown close to that care for our kids while we are both at work and I'm still able to homeschool. We are right on track for my son and my daughter is healthy and happy. So, why am I still "bored?" I got a promotion quickly. My shift at work changed from an afternoon shift to a night shift. We didn't think it would be so bad because the difference was perfect for me. I could keep my productivity at home and I could keep homeschooling. After several months, here I am, lonely and bored. I have felt the feelings creep up on me and I have been slowly letting them take over. At first, of course denying it was depression, I called it procrastination. My schoolwork for my Master's degree was late or done the night it was due (including any readings I should've had done for the assignments). I then got "addicted" to T.V. shows and "oops, where'd the time go." Then it was "I don't want to ..."

Being an insightful person I started to wonder, why am I doing this. This isn't me ... I knew I was lonely for adult attention, for time with my husband, for friends, for FUN. I only see my husband about 96 minutes M-F, if I'm lucky on Saturday and always on Sunday which is full of obligations. At home, I teach my son. At work, I supervise my peers and "yes sir, no sir" my bosses. I come home to a dark and sleeping home. I have a sleep disorder that keeps me awake until 2am and so for three hours after work, I watch TV. I don't exercise, because when do I have the time and I have no one at work to talk to or who is interested in me as a person or my husband or my kids. No one at work wants to talk to me about their husbands or kids. I feel like a robot. At work, it's work - well, that's understandable, but where's the human in that? Before my promotion, that human connection was neatly balanced because I wasn't a supervisor. Now I have to deal.

So, after several years, several months, several late assignments or half done assignments or flake-outs on callings, on and on, I am admitting, I am depressed. I can't runaway anymore from the reality that is my depression. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to homeschool. I don't even want to eat, leave my house, let alone clean my house. Yikes!!! I've learned that my schoolwork slips because it is the only thing I can control. I've learned that my obligations on Sunday (or related to) are slipping because that is the only thing I can control. I've learned that I don't care if the laundry is done or the house shiny and new because that is the only thing I can control. I'm lonely and that makes me depressed. While I know I will turn away and distract myself, go back to denial and not work through this (because it's hard and will suck!) at least I have said it outloud.

But now what?

Creativity by Dynamic Duo

2010-01-20T12:00:00.000-08:00

At the behest of my wise and wonderful mother-in-law, I am posting what I should have months ago so I don't forget and can share with my friends and family now and for years to come (hopefully).

The first:

Getting ready for trick-or-treat Halloween 2009 my niece and son started singing "Trick or treat, smell ..." you got it. I joined in and QUICKLY got scolded by my loving husband who wants to raise the kids right for some reason! So, we, as a family, came up with new lyrics. The whole drive home (about 20 minutes) from picking up costumes on the way to the trunk or treat activity at the ward house, we came up with the following (sing to the tune of the "naughty" song).

Trick or treat.

You're so neat.

Give me something sweet to eat.

If you don't that's ok,

To the next house, I will say ....

(and it repeats over and over and over again).

It was hilarious and so much fun to come up with this song with the kids. The kids helped, too so it wasn't just my righteous husband and I doing it for the kids. Since, the kids love the song and in fact, I caught my son singing it yesterday as he was looking for a book to read! Ah, those are the sweet memories we yearn for!

Now if only we can come up with something for "Jingle Bells, Batman ..." Yup, you got it. Something about everything smelling as a child, hmmm. Interesting.

The second:

This last weekend we went South to visit some family and to hang out with a close brother who has had a hard couple months. While we were there, my son was swinging and sliding for hours on the swing and slide my in-laws installed. I went out and joined him a couple times and one time while pushing my daughter high into the air on the swing and listening to her laugh hysterically the whole time, my son says, "Mom, want to hear the new song I just made up." Why, of course I do! I love when I get to see that right brain working!! So his new song went like this:

It's a wonderful day in the sunshine

It's a wonderful day to play with my friends

It's a wonderful day to play in the sunshine

It's a wonderful day to play in the sun and swing ...

Of course at this point I can't remember the tune nor document the tune, but the words are there.

Potty training

2010-01-05T10:34:00.000-08:00

Whew! It has been several months and my daughter is showing more and more signs of interest when it comes to the potty, bathroom and her comfort (if you know what I mean, eww).

Today, she said "Potty!" I put her on the potty and she went Number 1 ALL by herself and proceeded to take the whole roll of toilet paper and wipe herself and the potty seat! It was hilarious. However, after about an hour I decided when she took the (cleaned) potty and started wearing it on her head, we were done for today.

Now she is having the temper tantrum of her life and screaming POTTTTTTTYYYY. Uh oh. Now what? Any suggestions? I was so excited and now, just conflicted. LOL

Yay for new stages, though. :)

November is for Change!

2009-12-15T23:23:00.000-08:00

Wow! So much has happened in the last two months. The last thing I posted was from the beginning of October when we went on our family vacation. Since ...

I am one year older and one year wiser!
My sister moved in - two months later moved out
Our basement got finished!
I let go of some painful influences in my life! Yipee me. On the road to recovery.
I took this last term off from school to regroup, heal and balance myself back out.
Our basement is finished!! So excited.
I got a promotion at work!
Went to the in-laws for some much needed R&R for the BEST holiday EVER - Turkey Day, people or didn't you know. :)
My mother came to town to visit and stayed with us - that's enough to put life upside down for a bit.
My husband finished a (successful, we hope; will find out in a couple weeks) semester.

AND ...

I'm pregnant - HA, JUST KIDDING. I think the above is quite enough for one short time period.

Unfortunately, my sweet albeit absent-minded husband "misplaced" our camera cord so we can no longer extract our photos from our camera to our computer. These are the moments I wish digital was more intuitive! I mean, doesn't it just KNOW something like this will happen??!

So, to keep this post short. We are alive, kicking and well. I did want to post something in honor of a dear friend who said, "your blog never says HOW you ARE! Just what you are doing ..." I've thought about that quite a bit and until I have more guts to really vomit all over the keyboard, it is best that everyone thinks that nothing is but ROSES- leave me to my delusions, guys. I have tried to post truth about "HOW we ARE" in the past but it is either interpreted wrong or comes out wrong ... for now - I'll concentrate on the FUN we are having. Maybe that is better for a journal anyway, right? Who would want our grandkids to know just how crazy, nutso we really are. It'll be bad enough when I can officially call myself a crotchety old hag. Now I am just crotchety. Hehehe.

Happy holidays, everyone. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. God Bless.

Family vacation!!!

2009-11-23T23:06:00.000-08:00

Since meeting my husband we have made it an annual tradition to visit San Diego, CA for our family vacation. This year we made the trip in October which ended up being perfect since we planned on visits to Disneyland and Seaworld. I hate amusement parks because of the crowds, long waits, rides that are so not worth it because they are old, rickety and scary and last a shorter time than the wait ever was. However, in October, the lines are only a blink and Disneyland was AWESOME. The rides were amazing! Detailed. Elaborate. The rides and the park as a whole made it seem the expense of the entrance ticket was well worth it. As much as I had a distaste for amusement parks, it was obviously because I had never been to Disneyland! LOL. We were invited to Disneyland by dear, close friends/neighbors that were only an hour away from where we were staying. We met with them at opening time and didn't leave until well after closing time.

At Seaworld, we got to spend the entire opening-closing day with my best friend! It was so great to see her after a year! We finally got to talk face-to-face and the kids got to see Aunt Kris!

BEACH DAY!!! What is the point of going to California if there aren't going to be a couple beach days??!! It was the BEST vacation ever. :)

Whew! Took a while, but it's posted.

My husband's OLLLLLDDD!

2009-10-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

SEPTEMBER 29th, 2009

Not really, but his surprise 30th (!!!!) turned out GREAT! I don't keep my surprises very well. I get so excited I HAVE to tell. Oh, I keep everyone else's secrets just fine, it's the I-know-what-you're-getting-from-me surprise that I suck at!

So, what I did this year is put together a 'double date' with my husband's brother and his wife. That way I had something to plan and to talk about. Of course, the surprise birthday party was supposed to come with a surprise BBQ for his gift, but I gave that away weeks early! Darn. Hey, 1 out of 2 isn't too bad, right? At least the main event wasn't spoiled!

The gift ....

My husband's dear parents (Hi Mom! Hi Dad!!) drove up to surprise him, too. They stayed at a nearby hotel and was here to surprise my husband as he came home from work Saturday afternoon. His brother came up, too. He stayed with us so we had to go in on another lie (white lie, for a good cause, of course) to explain his sudden appearance at our house. We had my husband SO FOOLED! It was priceless. Here's some pictures ....

Dad, feeding my beggar child. She was so funny. She ate everything on her plate, plus whatever anyone else would give her. In total, I think she ate THREE hot dogs and TWO hamburgers! I hope it's a growth spurt.

Can you see his fear!? We all hid in the garage so he'd HAVE to open the garage door and see us. Luckily I locked the front door because that's where he went first! He hates public speaking, but I didn't think a surprise party would be a big deal - oops. He almost passed out! :)

Most of his family and mine were able to come! Neighbors and friends came, too!

His cake - rubbing it in as much as I can. :)

So many kids were there, it was so much fun for all the cousins and friends!

Cousin's, friends, family! It was so much fun. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART!!

I've created a ... RUNNER!

2009-09-16T21:03:00.000-07:00

Ha, you tohught I was going to say MONSTER - only on bad days. :D Instead, I've created a runner!!

(Can you see him?)

Our city had a 5K run for domestic violence which we walked. However, "we" was only my sister and I strolling our babies along while Dylan ran most of the way! Amazing. I didn't know he had it in him! At the end of it he said he loved it and had so much fun. Two weekends later there was a marathon which had a Kid's 1K during it. Dylan ran almost the whole way again.

(Dylan's the one crossing the finish line)

For me, it was torture! I haven't run in A YEAR! I was so sore all weekend and half the week after. At the end, Dylan was given a "FINISHER" medal! He was so proud of himself. I was so proud of him! It was such a great experience for him. I can't wait to do the next one. I hope he keeps having fun!!

Wow, I suck at posting pictures

2009-09-12T00:25:00.000-07:00

I just went back through the last few months and I barely, if at all on some posts have any pictures. People like pictures! Why am I not posting them? Other than the fact that the pictures are all on my camera and I just never take them off. Also, I don't take a lot of pictures (like I should! My bad!!). So, here are some ... if I can make it look ok ... not like my previous post (weird!).

So, here's our summer ....

Walks in the park,

St. George visits, with and without my adorable niece

(Me) making friends with old family friends,

Hikes in the canyons,

Outdoor adventures from here to Las Vegas, NV

And coming up ... beaches, Legoland, Disneyland and Sea World in only THREE weeks!! CAN'T WAIT!

And here's my Dyl-pickle ...

Locking himself up with the dogs, ummm, ok ...

Playing in our lil' sandbox

Exploring (again) new toys

Taking it upon himself to get down family night games

Of course, homework

Lastly, here's Aba ....

She actually sat there and posed until I came back with the camera! HA!

Now she's a tiger

Always sleepy

Yes, that is a puzzle box!

Formatting

2009-09-12T00:23:00.001-07:00

Ok, does anyone know how to format these posts well? I don't. Anyone willing to school me? lol

Reminiscing preschool

2009-09-11T23:54:00.001-07:00

The end of our preschool and I finally got the pictures off my camera!

Science was my favorite. Dylan's too. We had fun exploring outside, inside, all sorts of things we take for granted. Here are some examples of some science projects we did. We explored animal habitats!

Animals who live in the forest

Animals who live in caves

Animals who live at the pond.

They aren't professional, but we loved 'em. Took months to convince Dylan to take them down when the lesson had passed, expired, rotted and finally was buried! I had to do it when he wasn't home. I don't think he noticed. Makes me wonder ... lol.

A new year

2009-09-11T23:18:00.000-07:00

It has been 15 months now since we made our decision to homeschool. We've been through the "pilot" program as I like to call it, one full year of preschool and now we are in Kindergarten. I am still teaching as much as students in his grade are taught (for instance, during preschool school was only three days a week for a couple hours each day and now Kindergarten is five days a week for only a few hours a day). Thus far, homeschool has been the best decision we have made for our kids and we hope to be able to homeschool continuously. We are still asked if we will continue to homeschool and if we will homeschool all our kids. My answer: yes - as long as:

1. the kids want to
2. I am able to
3. or until either the school works with their skill level or they are caught up (or vice versa) with the grade level they are on

I am so excited for this 2009-2010 school year. We announced to Dylan that he is now in Kindergarten. Same as his friends, same as his age should be. He is WAY excited. Now he tells everyone he is in Kindergarten! I love that energy and he still has such a passion for learning. So far, my fears that he'll hate homeschool or temper-tantrum that he isn't in traditional school have been subsided ... for now. I think it's the age and the fact that we engage one-on-one and we still do fun things, explore together and keep things interesting. However, for me, I like to just make sure he feels like he is still a part of something special! SO, we made sure he got to do all the traditional things:

We labeled his scholastic progression (Kindergarten).

We went back-to-school shopping.

We went to the dentist and the doctor for yearly check ups and immunizations (had to be done anyway, but I remember doing these things, specifically at the start of my new school years).

We fixed up our school room to refelct his school year more definitively.

We have an art wall (not shown), our school books bookshelf, our weather chart where we discover the weather each day and the seasons, school rules and schedule, letters, days of the week and numbers chart, world map and little lesson reminders. Also, to help learn the months of the year and dates, we make a calendar at the beginning of every month which we post on our school room door.

He is way excited for this years subjects, too. We are still doing math, science and language arts, but we get to add history and SPANISH! Math, science, language arts and history are typical K classes - low scale, not so in depth as a fourth grader might have, but FUN and full of exciting new things to learn. We chose to add Spanish because Dylan has asked us for the last fifteen months if he can learn Spanish. Instead, we learned Sign Language - not the whole language, but enough to communicate on a small scale. (Thank you Marne for jump starting us!!)

After a year, he was still asking to learn Spanish! I don't know Spanish and he has no interest in learning French, so I finally broke down and bought a program that will teach both of us - together. To find out his real enthusiasm, we started with the numbers. Just 1-10. But to see if he was interested in picking it up and sticking with it before we spent the money on a program (brilliant Darin! Thanks!!) It worked like a charm! Dylan learned 1-5 within a couple days and was able to label not only the English with the Spanish, but the quantity of something with the correct number. We continued with 6-10. We are both excited!!! Granted, this little test is VERY little in comparison to the WHOLE language, but he has stuck with it and is still excited. He asks everyday if we can do Spanish next after each lesson.

Breakfast books

2009-09-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

Like a good do-be I went to get all my months of pictures off my camera to finally go through them, post them, whatever them and ... my camera dies. LAME. So, another post without pictures. I'm excited about this post, though.

A couple months ago I realized I don't read anymore to my son. :( Sad, I know. However, since my son started reading at three, I didn't know what to do. He read everything he could. Life went on and we slowly stopped reading everyday together. I realized this and my heart was sad. Our schedules are typically pretty busy, especially the more independent and self-sufficient my little boy gets, I tend to add more and more to our schedules. As I realized we didn't read much anymore, other than the school books for lessons and such and I missed that time with my boy. I thought, "When is a good time to squeeze in reading non-school books together?" The answer was AT BREAKFAST!! At breakfast we sit and eat together anyway, just talking about the nights we had. How easy would it be to just add a couple books to read together during that same time?

Now, almost every morning Dylan grabs a couple books he wants to read and we read them together (in between bites). Sometimes Dylan reads, sometimes Mom does. Either way, it has become a GREAT addition to our routine and it didn't change much of what we already do. Abigail gets to have books read to her and Dylan gets so excited for breakfast asking, "Can we have breakfast books today?" I love it, the simple pleasures.

What time is it?

2009-08-17T22:34:00.000-07:00

One of these mornings I'll wake up in a daze and ask "what time is it?" as I gaze at the half dead husband drooling on his pillow to my side with (thanks to Mom) a pillow over his head. Unfortunately, that won't be for - what, another 35 years until retirement, minus 3 kids (at minimum), plus 18 years until they head out of the nest ... well, you understand the math. HOWEVER, until that time, I'm enjoying the ride!

Now that I'm done catching up with everyone, I suppose I'll catch up, too. We've had a great summer. Stressful, unbalanced, lazy, fun. We haven't gotten to have a lot of weekends or nights or days together. I'm so much better of an at-home mom during the summer, places to go, weather to soak up. But, I went and got a job at the brink of summer. No problem, makes the heart go fonder.

In July we made two trips to St. George. One for the Fourth of July which we got to spend in St George and Las Vegas with my best friend. The other with just my sister enjoying a girl's weekend getaway hiking, resting, playing.

At the beginning of August the four of us were FINALLY in the same house for the same 2-day weekend! That almost NEVER happens. Either Dylan is at his one-dad's or Darin is working. Neither have the same schedule. So, for the first day in a long time we were together, we went swimming and enjoyed our time together. Of course all my pictures are still on my camera and thus, no fun pics of children smiling and parents happy. :D Those to come!

Where to start?

2009-06-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I've posted. Where do I start? So much has happened. We'll start with the kids. That's the fun part anyway.

Dylan is well. He's enjoying, neigh, LOVING his days with his best friend, Tyler. He's enjoying the last couple weeks off of school. He's finally done with soccer. He's so funny, he says he wants to play soccer, but he gets out there and dances or goofs off or tells the coach, "I'm so tired, I need a rest" from what? Lol. However, he has made some show of promise. He runs fast! When his head is in the game, he gets back to the goal to help keep the ball away. He seems to get the idea of the game. But his age? Attention span? Whatever, makes the game very unpredictable. Each season we ask him what he wants to play. He says he wants to play soccer - we'll see if he wants to next season.

Abigail is great. She is learning the art of dirty looks and temper-tantrums. With lots of love and redirection, though, I have hope. She is a great walker, totally clumsy. She often walks into things or falls down, inner ear problem, maybe? She says (and signs) lots of words: ball, bottle, bye, shoe, food, up, hi, I love you, more, milk, all done, dad, mom, brother, etc. Of course, these words are not completely articulate, but her garbles can be distinguished when she points and when she says it back to you. She also knows where her nose is, eyes are and ears are. She climbs stairs and slides down them! I just love this age. It is so fun. She runs away as fast as she can and it looks so funny and awkward, but way cute. She has learned to dribble a soccer ball from Dylan's soccer games.

Darin is having WAY too much fun this summer. He is so funny. He has no school, ended last semester wonderfully, passed all his classes and is just high on the excitement. He has been a bad influence on my homework productivity this summer. However, he's having fun with his games, his projects, his kids and keeping up with small house projects. He's a wonderful man and husband and even though I only get to see him about an hour or two a day, it has been great to see him with so much less stress.

As for me ... I'm working on a certain zen-factor.

All in all, that is what is going on with us. We are trying to enjoy the time we have and the summer sun (come out, come out where ever you are).

Holding on to the moment

2009-05-29T22:56:00.000-07:00

I've learned school kicks my butt over and over and over again. I LOVE to learn, I love going to school, but I could very much so deal without the painful reminder of the roller coaster ride. However, now .... all I have to do when new terms kicks my butt (and this one has the last couple week) is remember, "I GOT A 99.5%, I GOT A 99.5%, I GOT A 99.5% HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!!!" (thank you Little Rascals).

I have NEVER gotten such a high A+ before. So many people can pull off high grades, jobs and family all at the same time. Some are married, some single parents, some emmersed in other curricular activities. Whatever the case, I learned from grade 9 after giving up on school in grade 6 that I am just not a stellar or star student. While I try HARD and work HARD at it, I still barely pass with both grade and comprehension. It's a skill I could've acquired given nurturing and practice, but did not. Now, older and less wiser, I am the dog that is learning new tricks.

One trick of which - Darin taught me - outline my notes. He doesn't just mean take notes, but instead outline the notes. It has helped so much. Also, I just recently learned this, write down your thoughts WHEN they come to you and where in the text you thought them. These thoughts should be as complete as possible so when you go back to grab the idea in a relevant situation, the thought makes sense.

"I GOT A 99.5%, I GOT A 99.5%, I GOT A 99.5% HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!!!" YIPPEEE.

The Dog is the only one not adjusting

2009-05-21T07:55:00.000-07:00

Another week has gone by and we are figuring out this whole balance thing. Homeschool is on a different track right now. With Dylan being three years ahead of his class as it is, I'm not so worried about it. I'm slowly getting caught up with my school work and the kids, it's like nothing ever changed. I love that about kids - simple, easy, adjustable.

Dylan is great. He is LOVING the babysitters. Everyday he asks "Are we going to Tyler's house?" "Are we going to my best friend's house?" I think we made the right decision there. Abigail is great, too. She loves going over there as well. It is a great place - quiet, just for kids, lots of fun, happy. Not like my house lately - mess!! to-do lists everywhere! Stressed out Mom and busy Dad who is picking up the slack until things can settle down - whenever that may be. ARGH. The Dog; however, is not adjusting. For being alone during the day she is GREAT. But man, she won't listen to save her life (literally). She is losing her trained dog-style and is just getting to be work. So sad. I was afraid of that, though.

Memorial Day is this weekend. YAY. Three day weekend off work. Sadly, Darin has to work Saturday so my blissful alone weekend we planned so I can get caught up with everything isn't going to happen. I'll get Monday, though. If that is enough. We'll see.

One thing I have had solidified, I am a worker-bee. I love to work. I love to get out of the house. I love being a Mom, but if I can do both - perfection! The juggling act is the hard part. That will take some time, though. I know that and am okay with it.

Ridiculously Late

2009-05-14T23:47:00.000-07:00

I'm not just saying the space between blog entries is ridiculously late, but the fact that I'm still awake a couple hours past the time I wanted to go to sleep is ridiculously late. I did it to myself, though. I love the shift I work. I can have a productive, fun, good morning with my kids, we eat lunch. What would have been our rest time and then a nice quiet afternoon until Dad comes home the kids now get to go to a neighbor's house with kids their age and play or have rest time there and play again until Dad comes and gets them. After my shift, I come home, tuck the kids in bed, hang out with my husband and enjoy an evening of wind down time, which normally consists of watching movies or TV shows - our latest crave is Chuck on NBC. After a whole week of not going to bed at my "should be" bed time, 10pm, I now can't sleep. Argh. Aside from that, though. I am finding it is harder to keep up with my school work, let alone blogging. So now, I am ridiculously late on my first assignments due this week (well, Wednesday). Argh, again. How to find the balance. Time management, money management, why don't they teach these things in school? Well, maybe they did, but out of the thirteen (yes, 13) schools I went to before graduating high school, I was never taught these skills - let alone cooking or the famous baby handling, or is it egg handling? Anyway, all in due time, right?

MOMs

2009-05-10T18:09:00.000-07:00

Today is officially Mom's Special Day - Hallmark's dedicated day for Moms - and DARN IT(!), they were right to do so. Do you know how hard YOU work? Your Mom? Any Mom? Goodness me. I do.

Growing up without a Dad, psychologists say I would have "Daddy issues" but lucky me, I got Mom's to help me balance out. Mom's are awesome. I recommend that EVERYONE should have as many mom's as I do. This may sound weird, but I don't care. It just means that I have more than one person that I can call in a crisis and cry to, laugh with or just get advice from. It's pretty neat to have. I have my saintly mother-in-law, my wise biological mom, my fun-loving step-mother and my incredibly thoughtful (other) step-mother. Not to mention all the support, advice, examples and love I've received over the years from all the other mothers I've known, adopted for a moment or have just heard.

It took me becoming an at-home mom to really understand the divine purpose of motherhood and our special qualities. You don't even have to have children to understand this or to have these qualities. I was very fortunate for this learning and growing opportunity. Unfortunately, I am a mother who can't stay an at-home mom forever. As my neighbor says, "Some people just need to work. You need to work." It balances me out and puts things in better perspective for me. I need it.

As for my Mother's Day weekend, I got to spend lots of time with my husband and children. I got to do yard work, watch my son play soccer, make new and (hopefully) lasting friends with my husband's childhood (pseudo) aunt and go to church to be uplifted and renewed in my perspectives and spirit. Specifically, for Mother's Day, I got to my favorite game (and I got to play it FOUR times already) - KILLER BUNNIES!!! I got to eat my favorite dinner (of the moment) - grilled chicken salad sandwiches. I got to watch one of my favorite movies - Ironman. At church the mom's were given little potting flowers. I got to talk to my mother's and I got handmade cards from my kids!!

My Journey from Darkness to Light

2009-05-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

Depression affects everyone. Whether you admit it or not. You could be the one with depression, or the one that helps a loved one get through it. You could have parents, children or friends that suffer from depression. It is a black hole of emotional spiraling. The hardest emotion to overcome and to avoid. It can creep up on you, attack at any moment, be brought on by the smallest thing or just happen over night. It is one of life's greatest challenges. Many people who work or are at-home mothers, men and children get depression. There is no cure-all, but ... there is a resource.

One of the most thoughtful books I have read on depression is called My Journey from Darkness to Light by Patricia Tew Potts. It is compiled with love and honesty. Together with the Holy Spirit, she has compiled some of the most important things that contribute to and help with overcoming depression. It is not a permanent fix. Life constantly is throwing at us those curve balls that make repetition necessary and the discovery of the known required for our constant learning. Patricia offers many ideas to aid in your recovery and in learning about yourself so you may recognize when and what triggers depression in your life. She emphasizes excercise (mentally and physcially) and positive thoughts.

I highly recommend this book to anyone that can read. Whether or not you, yourself suffers from depression or mental illness, it is a wonderful tool and help. It's companion, First Aid for Feelings compiled by Patricia Tew Potts is a must for those moments on-the-go that uplifting thoughts, scriptures and messages are needed. It is a perfect fit for your purse, travel bag or backpack. It is a great study tool with prayer for when you need a quiet pull-it-together moment. Each book is on sale at amazon.com, patriciapotts.com or contact me for your copy. My Journey from Darkness to Light is only $16.03 with tax and First Aid for Feelings is only $10.69 with tax. Each are invaluable. Your $26.72 will be worth so much more after you are able to read the book and use the companion tool.

Check out some of the things we do and support, or just find lots of fun

2009-04-30T07:23:00.000-07:00

Greatest children's books on the planet: www.ubah.com/A3903

Greatest skin care and cosmetic line on the planet: www.marykay.com/skarren

Greatest fun educational resource for anyone on the planet: http://www.homeschoolfreebieoftheday.com/

Another greatest educational resource for anyone on the planet: http://www.homeschoolradioshows.com/

Most interesting articles, so far - they seem to be new, on the planet: http://www.neuroticwoman.com/

4 Molars and a Baby

2009-04-27T17:12:00.000-07:00

Surprise, surprise, she's got teeth.

My little girl, Abigail woke up SCREAMING Saturday night. We knew she was acting odd, cranky and what not, but Saturday night was impossible. SOMETHING was wrong. After a while, I checked her mouth and sure enough, there were not 1 ... not 2 ... not 3 ... but FOUR emerging molars. OUCH. No wonder she was not our happy lil' peanut.

That night we gave her Motrin and she slept well the rest of the night. Sunday came and she was acting in pain again. No words, of course, but screaming and restlessness. We gave her more Motrin and off to church we went. Afterwards, she crashed for her afternoon nap. We woke her up - to our demise - at 630pm so she could still get to bed on time. Bedtime rolls around and she is dead-tired, but is not settling down! Uh, oh. What gives?? We had given her Motrin before bed ... ooooooooh, crap ... we gave her Motrin. We didn't realize until close to midnight after fighting with her to go to bed ("let her cry," "try a bottle," "is she changed?" "is she feverish?" "should we let her play longer?" on and on and on). Clearly, on the box it says, not only may it cause drowsiness, but Motrin may cause excitability. WHAT?!!

Her screaming had been resonating on and off for hours at this point - no one was sleeping. We had tried prayer, blessings, everything. Once we had this epiphany, we knew we were doomed. We gave her the Motrin at 8pm or so. The dose lasts about 4-6 hours. Worst case scenario, we wouldn't sleep until 230am. Poor girl. It was horrible for her. She was acting so zombie-like, but determined to play with everything for only a second until she moved onto other things. I've never seen her so hyper! It was hilarious as much as it was devastating for my sleep. I was really worried about her, let alone my first day "officially" at work (post training). Finally, we tried for a last time. Her zombie zone-outs were lasting for a couple minutes at a time now. We thought it a good time to try bedtime again. IT WORKED! YIPPEE.

I was ready to call everyone I know to hunt the number down for my cousin Lena, homeopathic medicine queen to get advice - what to do??? After prayer failed, what was the point? What lesson here did we need to learn (other than DON'T give this chick Motrin)? Argh.

New developments

2009-04-25T20:18:00.000-07:00

Interesting, the development of children.

Dylan, my five year old son, started a new trend the other day of .... dare I say - STEALING. What!!!? Where in the world ... I know it is a normal development, but I am still not ok with it. It is the same development stage as lying, kids trying to push the lines, want what others have and think taking is ok. I know, I know.

Friday we picked up the kids from the sitter and took the family to Cafe Rio! Yum. As we were eating, a toy fell out of Dylan's pocket. I'm so grateful I have fostered an open line of communication with my son. I asked him what, whose and where. He told me he took it from the sitter's house, it was her boy's toy and he took it because he wanted it for himself, "so no one would play with it, but him." We had the discussion of stealing and that it was wrong. He didn't get to play with it because we wanted to reinforce that it was not ok to steal.

Thinking the issue was taken care of, we went about our business. Today, at 830am, we went to a Relief Society (a sisterhood of women in our neighborhood sponsored by our church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) breakfast. Dylan woke up with me and wanted to go. Just Dylan and me went, it was fun! At the end we started putting the nursery toys away. As we were headed out Dylan was fiddling with his pockets. I told him to go put away whatever he had. He got upset and marched back to the toys and threw them in. At that point, we had another discussion about stealing.

Once we got into the car he said, "I'm never having fun with you again!" I told him that was his choice but it did make me sad. He said it made him sad too. I took the opportunity to enlighten him that the choice was his for happiness and etc. Then I told him about trust and making wrong choices would teach me not to trust him. I used the story of him stealing to help him understand. Lastly, I explained to him if he stole, the police could come and put him in jail! This was a scare tactic I had heard other parents use in the past and figured it would help since the first time didn't. At this point, he said, "I would rather not go to jail." I loved it. It was hilarious and so hard not to laugh. I said I would rather he didn't either so let's stick with good choices. He agreed and now ... the future will tell.

How interesting that children do not need to be taught how to lie, steal, be selfish and self-centered, manipulate and get what the want. It comes naturally. It really makes me think of the age-old question - "Is man naturally good and have to learn to be evil or is man naturally evil and have to learn good?" Nature vs. Nurture, I guess? Still a forever-long discussion, I guess.

Twilight Zone

2009-04-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

This experience was a little freaky for me. All at the same time I was anxious, felt my own vulnerability, was humbled by technology and wanted to sleep. It didn't help that there was LOUD whirrrrrring and obscure snap-shot sounds in my ear next to the sound of classic rock. I felt like I had entered a dimension between sci-fi movies and, well, sci-fi movies. Surrounded in a tube of white plastic ... hmmm, the many references I can think of.

I had to get an MRI today. Yes, it has been confirmed - I have a brain - WAHOO. However, what my brain is doing and how my brain is functioning is the question. It isn't drastic or anything, just a thyroid problem, as odd as that sounds for me - one who seems to have endless energy and virtually no weight problems. I went after work. Not the greatest idea I've ever had. Training this week has been the worst. It has been just about as fun as sitting on the lawn watching my grass grow; however, that might be more fun being outside and all. Training has consisted of nothing but wasted time and endless review and repetition. There is only so many times you can do the SAME scenario over and over before you just want to end your own misery. But I digress. Walking into the Neuroscience Center tired as a dog, I plan on sleeping through the process. Little did I know, there would be no opportunity.

I lay down on the MRI bed after they stick me several times with a needle CLAIMING my vain moved and the missed - it's possible, I guess. Then they tell me to listen to music to drown out the noise. Bummer. Next they prepare me for the noise, the process and the absolute need for me to be incredibly still. Uh, oh! I've been so bored all day, I'm ready to run a marathon - this is not going to be easy. I snuggle up on their head rest so I am nice and snug with ear phones on my head. They close the "cage" (yes, it really is a cage - I felt like someone from a horror show like Hannibal being caged up and put away). They push the button and in I slide. I keep my eyes closed because I'm freaked out that I'll suddenly become clausterphobic. Once inside I peek - bad idea. I close my eyes and start concentrating on the music while remembering to breath as the machine starts its whirring and obscure snap-shots. At each pause I don't know what to expect so I listen and it starts howling again. Dang it! I go back to my music.

After a couple breaks to see how I am and twenty minutes later, I realize I haven't moved a muscle, my muscles have been intermittently and involuntarily started twitching in random places for a couple minutes, my right arm has gone numb from the tension I've put on it and my left arm has gone numb, my butt cheeks are falling asleep and there is something sharp poking at the back of my skull. Think, think! "I deserve to eat dinner at The Pie tonight!" "Hmm, how to talk my husband into that one." "Well, at least I can talk him into Wendy's." "Never heard this song before." "Rarrrr, I'm Hannibal." "Ok, freaky, moving on."

Ugh, finally, thirty or so minutes later and we're done! Appartenly, stiffening my entire body trying not to hyperventilate or pass out from NOT breathing, and concentrating on staying motionless, I did "GREAT." I get off the table, move a few muscles and dizzily stumble my way to change. Glad that is over!

What a feeling! Completely surrounded by advanced technology using magnetic and radio waves - so much so the nurses have to be a room away - and yet, trapped all at the same time. I am definately a lay-man. I know nothing about modern science and the advances of the day. Incredible. Though, I never want to do that again!

Easter, working mom and illness

2009-04-18T09:06:00.001-07:00

All the topics to come ...

It's amazing how much can happen in one week. For starters, I LOVE being a working mom. Having the satisfaction of a productive day is fulfilling for me. It is a different productive than at-home momminess. On the flip side, I'm so bummed, my kids go to bed too quickly after I get home - after all, they need their sleep to wake up so early nowaday (8am). All in all, I think we can pull this off. My working for our family was necessary (I have the majority of the student loans anyway). I'm excited to also build my career. Even if I am building it slowly, sporatically, starting late and from a different direction than most others, I'm happy. I blame it on the way I grew up, in a single-parent home who had a successful career. The difference is, I am blessed with an incredible husband and an understandable, patient companion. Evenings are fun, too. We get to be together as a family, have dinner, play together until bed and call it a day. I love balance and think I might have found it, for now. Unfortunately, we also have to worry about sick time. That realization came all too quickly for a new beginning at a new job.

Monday morning our new babysitter called and said her boy was sick. I could bring the kids over if I was ok with them getting sick. Well, what choice did I have? First day of TRAINING, not something you can just skip. So, I went to work, kids went to daycare. Tuesday the babysitters daughter got sick, Wednesday my son got sick, Friday I got sick and today my daughter got sick. All who is left is my husband. Oh, boy! He has to teach this Sunday, no way I want to take that responsibility. Hehehe. Hopefully, he'll be just fine. The blessing of it all is that it is only a 24 hr stomach flu. Could be worse.

As for Easter, I completely spaced writing about it. It was one of the more successful holidays our little family has had so far. We did something a little different this year to keep the meaning of the holiday alive and to help our son understand the holiday in a more meaningful context outside of bunnies and eggs. We hid the eggs around the house - the kind you open to find goodies inside. Half of the eggs were filled with candy, a quarter of the eggs were filled with slips of paper and candy and the last quarter with both candy and paper. The paper had scripture references, games, discussion questions, videos to watch. It was fun. My son was excited to open each one, read the questions, do the fun things (pin the egg on the bunny, egg races, etc.). I think we even got the who, why and what of Easter figured out. After we went to church, where my husband and I teach Primary (6-7 year olds). I was ready to give up after we were given the other 6-7 year old class - which combined is such a terror and a haphazard class. Most of the time I wonder what the point is when the kids aren't listening, not sitting, all the like and if the spirit is even teaching. It is difficult to stick with it. Then I realized, each Sunday we struggle and each Sunday, as soon as we are done (the same minute), everything floats away and we forget what we just went through. We go home, have dinner and life continues until the next Sunday when we remember, as soon as we get into opening exercises. What a blessing that is. The Lord is looking out for us to such a tiny degree that the overwhelmingness of teaching other people's children is not so overwhelming. This Sunday in particular was the most difficult so far. After opening exercises two of the three biggest challenges booked it down the hall in separate directions while my husband was struggling with an overly tired daughter and a line of other children in our class getting mish-mashed on the way to sharing time. What a disaster. Is there no concern for the kids that other teachers would help each other by looking after their own class or helping other children stick with their class. Having twelve bored, active children to two worn out adults with a screaming child just doesn't seem fair. We got the kids sat down in Sharing Time and I abandoned my husband. They seem to do better in Sharing Time than in class or opening exercises. Also, there is a line of Primary workers that sit in the back and look for ways to help teachers - I LOVE that. So I knew my husband could handle it. I set up our classroom since it was going to be full of different activites and we were watching a clip. By the time I got into Sharing Time again, the kids were getting out of control. I stepped in, we finished Sharing Time and headed to class. That is when my testimony of the Lord's help in our calling grew exponentially. As soon as we got into class, silence! I had prayed so many times, this lesson was so important to me. I felt the strength of the Lord so strongly and His help in that room with each sweet child. It was amazing. My husband had to take our daughter out of the room because SHE was being the distracting basket case. The lesson was awesome. We watched part of an LDS DVD where not a word was spoken. Not a sound was made. We had pictures, scriptures, chalkboard lessons, coloring pictures. It was amazing. In the end, to recap, I did the egg idea in class as we did with our family earlier that morning. Each child opened an egg, read the question, we discussed or just answered the slip. I filled their egg with jelly beans and asked a child to give the closing prayer after we colored our lesson pictures. The most amazing thing, happened then. One of the harder children in the class has Ausbergers. He isn't hard at all, unfortunately, he has been labeled that way by former teachers and so upon the induction of new teachers, the label continues. Anyway, when I asked one of the children to give the prayer, this special child got down on his knees in the most humble, natural of ways. I was so touched, I followed his lead. At which point, all of us were on our knees listening to the sweetest prayer I have ever heard given in our class before. The spirit was truly there. I gave all my thanks that moment and held back tears of joy and of gratefulness. How amazing. To "be as a child" is our goal, but to see their example is our joy!!

The rest of the day was pleasant. Ham dinner with family, the arrival of visiting family from out of town and the perfect way to start a new chapter in our crazy lives.

Pride and Loyalty

2009-04-14T20:27:00.000-07:00

Loyalty and patriotism is interesting. From infancy we are taught to take pride in ourselves, our work and in what we do. From self worth and self respect to love and adoration for our country we are taught that it is right, neigh, your duty to be loyal to your country. Employers seek the same loyalty in their employees. Brands seek the same loyalty in their consumers. Institutions seek the same loyalty in their students and affiliates. Why? I understand the drive for profit, money, you know, is the root of all - good choices! Yeah, that's it.

I have to admit, I am a sucker for loyalty and for pride in ... any and all things I can feel loyal about. Take for example, this new job. The first day is all about HR ick and all about the history of the company and ada, ada, ada, ada. Well, I hate that stuff. I hate the in-your-face marketing, the selling of your employees and all that. However, I just CAN'T stop myself. It is so easy to listen to the propaganda and think - Yeah! I'm excited about that, too! I am so proud of the heritage, too. The history is so amazing, this company has come so far ... on and on. I can't help it. What is it that creates such a ... can we call it a connection? or a sense of loyalty? Is it the need for human beings to belong to something? If it's that, wow! I could go on and on about that need in me. Whew! Don't get me started!

Either way, I'm excited for this new job. I'm excited to be part of this company and I'm excited to offer anyone else the opportunity to come work for such a great place. Where they "really care about their employees" - we've heard that one before? Well, here, they really do. I'm impressed. So - if anyone out there wants a job, a career change, something to do - let me know. ;)

World Phenomenons

2009-04-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

Of all the world phenomenons out there, high school is the most interesting. It has been almost ten years since I graduated from high school and only few memories intice a feeling of longing to go back. Those few; however, don't compare to the massive millions of other memories that make me feel naseous at the thought of being forced to go through the awkwardness, pressure and boredom of high school. Why then do so many people hang on to those few, and seemingly insignificant, in the grand scheme of life, moments that happened in high school. Is it the played up idea of "firsts," because I could so live without those. Is it the played up idea of "freedom," because I can tell you, there was none. Is it the played up idea of no responsibilities, because I can certainly tell you there were too many. Of course, these are just my experiences. Most of the time I think back on high school and just get embarrassed. With so much drama at home and chaos in my schedule and finding the pressure of success intolerable and the "need" for that perfect grade insignificant, (not to mention the tests, the papers, the quizzes, the participation, blah, blah, blah), I would just rather go back and erase those three years or go back and re-do them to my satisfaction - without the embarrassing moments, the boyfriends, the vulnerabilities, the this, the that and the other.

For others that were graced with the freedom, the no responsibilities and the favorable firsts, I can see a desire to hang on to the past. However, even for those so fortunate, there is so much more that are better firsts and so many other responsibilities or lack there of to relish in. There are so many other facades of freedom that rank higher than high school "freedom." So what is it really that keeps us going back to high school and wishing or wanting or pondering? It can't be the cafeteria food! ICK. It can't be the smell of the finally-opened-from-a-long-night-of-being-locked-up, dusty gym. Nasty!

Why am I bringing this up? Because I logged onto my Facebook account, one which I hardly remember is there, and find someone I don't know asking to be my virtual "friend." I don't remember this person and I wonder if she really remembers me. I don't mind meeting again the people I once knew way back when. Instead, it was more of a question of why do people search after those acquaintances that for a lot of people they really aren't "friends" or were not "friends" back when and have no intention of being "friends" once you click "add." One theory I hear of is the idea of popularity - "See, I have you as a friend so you must think I'm cool." Or is that validation? Another theory I hear of is, "we're all friends, that was all in the past," must be the, "they knew I was joking" theory. For those friends I have added, I actually have a history with. They were friends. They were people I conversed with on a daily basis, looked up to, hung out with, shared neat experiences with or shared horrible experiences with which we don't bring up. :) For people who have added me, they add me and then never again is there a line of communication, regardless of any feeble attempts. (See above for theories as to why).

Anyway, I digress. So for this person who wanted to add me. I hadn't heard of her before. She was a year younger than me. Married. No maiden name listed, so I didn't know who she was from Adam. So, I took a stroll through my yearbook. Curiousity really got the best of me. Man, was that a long stroll. As I was flipping through the pages, memories came back and the aforementioned longing and feelings of going back to relive those memories started creeping in. I don't mind, but still, wonder why. Why not wish for elementary again? Middle school anyone? Well, I find it interesting. Other world phenomena seem to have scientific explanations. What about this one?

Thank Heaven for small favors

2009-04-09T09:31:00.000-07:00

Of all the random things that can happen, they will and to my husband. During his racquetball class, he, like all other students put their belongings outside the ball court; however, of all the students, just my lucky husband was the one to have his rolled up clothing STOLEN. Who in all that is glorious, would steal used, stinky-man clothing? I don't care that it was actually stolen, in the sense that we don't have it anymore, just the annoying fact that it was stolen. The most annoying part was the underwear, why? Omi, why? The only comfort, if you could call it that, to gain any amount of sense of a senseless and random act was that among his clothing was his wallet. The theifers must have thought - hmm, clothes ... sports ... wallet in clothes ... money. Lucky for us, since my husband loses his wallet and keys every couple months, he no longer carries cash, cards or other important, financial-related documents. In addition to that, I have to assume that was our saving grace!

The day of, my husband called all those that could or might have something to do with the process: police, custodial, deans, locksmiths, etc. That evening when he got off work, we scowered the building and the surrounding buildings, the trash, the lockers, the halls, the stairwells - no such luck; nothing was found or recovered. Two days later - a pleasant surprise. The belongings were recovered by custodial who found them under a stairwell, tucked away with everything in its place. Now, we don't have to worry about running all over town to replace driver's licenses, ID cards, bus passes, etc.

Through all of that, the worst-case scenarios going through my thoughts, I wonder, do I just not have any faith or hope? Or is it normal? Something I must work on I suppose!

Ah, the Simple but CRAZY life

2009-04-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

Spending a week at Grandma and Grandpa's, Great Grandma and Great Grandpa's really did us in. We have spent the last two weeks getting our baby girl back on a schedule. It hasn't helped AT ALL that the day we flew back in Grandma (a different one than above) flew in and we hosted her for a week. This means, lots of driving to do various errands for Grandma on top of back-to-life-from-vacation errands for our family and me keeping the appointments I already made (one for each day) with professionals in the field I am trying to get into, not to mention the horrible weather we came back to - drizzly and rainy/snowy all week and sooo cold. The week after (this week - thank heaven it's over) we have had nothing but more errands by way of doctor appointments to do. Lucky to report - everyone is in good health, growing and strong.

Apparently, babies are now able to eat peanut butter, eggs, honey and fish a lot earlier than I remeber - 9 mos to a year! Now our girl has a lot of catching up to do. My son, funny enough, is in the fifth percentile for height and weight - yup, all, he is still short and skinny! I promise he eats - like a horse, too!!! He's on a jelly belly kick, we limit his in take, otherwise he'd eat the whole five pounds in the same day. My husband's knee still hurts - yay for knee braces and my thyroid is all jacked up - I'm so pissed I have to take meds now! Lame!! Other than that, all doc appts are done and no more for another year! Made the week crazy, but so worth it.

On top of doc appts, library visits, swimming pool play and playdates this week, I squeezed in an interview for a big girl job. Today I was offered the position. We are so happy and excited. It will be such a great addition to our family. Especially with my degrees - I can actually earn the money I can (to start) to pay off those pesky student loans. A big girl job, to boot! So excited. It is perfect, too because of pay and hours. Can't wait to start. I have come to the realization, some moms are meant to be moms. I've always known that and have respected those mothers who devote their lives to mommihood. I; however, am not one of them. I love working for Uncle Sam, I love socializing with other adults, I love to play with my kids, have routines and watch my kids grow, but I also love to feel like I'm helping others and working for something - part of a different bigger picture.

With that said, the end of this post will include the last of the pics from our trip:

Another vaca come and gone

2009-03-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

We finally made it home. The last post was Wednesday - horses, caverns, all that jazz. Thursday we were going to go back to D.C., but poor hubby got ill. We stayed in and had a nice, relaxing day. Friday we had a brilliant day in my old hometown catching up with friends. It was great to finally show Darin where I came from, my stories now have pictures and my friends' names now have faces! It was finally the moment I got to take him through my memory lane and he says he really enjoyed it! He's so supportive! Haha. Saturday we went to Thomas Jefferson's house (pics to follow). My mother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew came up and stayed with us at the condo - since we have so much room, why not share! :D It was so nice to see my sister-in-law again. We talk online all the time, but only see each other ever few years! They had a good time around the condo since Thomas Jefferson's house wasn't as child friendly in the early Spring as we had hoped. We still got to spend the morning and evening with them so it was worth it for us. I just hope it was worth it for them! Sunday came. We began our travels. All I will say is I'm so grateful for small blessings! We were bumped flights for an earlier one - YAY and given first class - OMI - and delayed for two hours in Atlanta, GA and stood up for a ride home!! ARGH. All in all, it ended like all good things must and I got to see my babies again. I so missed them. My son enjoyed the book, hat and new clothes we got for him and my daughter doesn't know the difference to enjoy her new clothes and book. Now the vacation is over. I'm so glad to be home. Next vacation - oh, please not yet!!

Beautiful Day

2009-03-19T07:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a gorgeous day. No clouds, no fog, just warm sunny weather. Perfect for what we had planned. We have no kids so we got to sleep in until 1130am!! Went horseback riding. That was fun. It's been years since I was on a horse. We used to have horses when we lived in TX, so I miss them. Now my butt is bruised! It's true. So sad!! :( I'm not as young and resilient as I used to be, just out of shape - again!!

Afterwards, we had lunch and began our trip to the local caverns. They were amazing. Stalagmites and all that cool stuff is so amazing, how it forms, how the minerals lay, how old they all are. So cool.

Next, of course we had to swim (again) in our jacuzzi thing, got some Chick-fil-a, because it seems only out here do they actually have the "secret sauce" I'm used to!

The rest of the day we just chilled and enjoyed the quite and the cable TV - amazing shows nowaday. However much fun we are having, I so miss my kids. However much I miss them, though, they are having so much fun, too!! Apparently, my daughter is absolutely loving Grandma and Grandpa's house. She is letting Grandpa rock her for hours, still trying to walk, taking advantage of them by keeping their attention on her (hehehe) and posing for lots of pictures. My son got to go AZ with his bio-dad and went jet skiing, boating and had a blast. Now he is traveling with Dad all over to libraries and enjoying the time he has with his Dad who took vacation to be with his son!

Foggy-Bottom

2009-03-18T09:37:00.000-07:00

It's true, I am infatuated with the East coast. The trees, though bare, are beautiful, the diversity, the people who are so friendly everywhere, the culture, the cities - everything - LOVE IT. This is truly where I want to end up.

So yesterday, we toured around the mountain where we are staying. Everything was nestled within a cloud. It was still misty, but it was all beautiful. We drove to D.C. in the afternoon and there it was overcast and cold, but we enjoyed it so much. We spent some time at the D.C. temple figuring out when we could do a session. Ugh, it was amazing. In D.C., we got to see the outdoor monuments - Einstein Memorial, Korean Memorial, WWII Memorial, Vietnam Mem, Lincoln Mem, George Washington Mem, White House. Fascintating, all of it.

We used the subway system to avoid D.C. traffic. It was great. We got off at our stop at Foggy-bottom (don't you just love that name) and immediately got lost. The stop is in the middle of George Masen University which is also dead center in D.C. surrounded by businesses and many people going to and from - a place I would definately not want to go to school. We walked around the block a bit to figure out where we were, but I accidentally gave my good map to someone else who was lost in the subway system. The map we had sucked so we had no clue where we were. We asked a couple guys where we were and, go figure, they said, "We don't speak English." I asked, "Quelle langue?" They sounded French; they answered they spoke French so I told them I can speak it a little and we needed directions, if they could help. They did and pointed us in the direction of the Kennedy Center - definately the wrong direction. I thought it was a monument and once we started treking, we realized, wait - that's not what we thought it was. So, while they did help, there was obviously confusion. So, we walked and we walked and we walked. It was great. That's the best part of traveling with my hubby. Finally, we got to the National Mall and began our tour.

It was late when we got home, so a quick swim in our jacuzzi tub and we were dead asleep! So excited. Today - horse back riding!! YIPPEE.

Our Vaca

2009-03-16T17:47:00.000-07:00

Here we are - YAY - in Virginia. After an incredible trip of bus, planes, lay-overs, delays, cars and fog, we finally made it to our in-the-middle-of-no-where resort. It is amazing. Our timeshare is amazing. Anyone want to be referred? Let me know, I've got the hook up for you! We signed up and got amazing things for it and still love it. Anyway, tangent over - our condo is well over 1,000 square feet with a complete kitchen, a fireplace, balcony, two bedrooms, two full bathrooms, and get this - a huge (I swear it is more than a two person size) jetted spa/tub! So cool!

So last night, our first night, we checked-in, oogled and googled over our condo, unpacked, showered and CRASHED. We were so tired!! Today, we picked up our rental car, went grocery shopping to stock our fridge for a week's worth of food, napped, SWAM in our huge jacuzzi spa/thing, hung out, went for a walk - LOVING the drizzly rain surrounded by bare trees and rolling hills, scouted out for this weeks adventures and ate a massive supreme pizza. Now, as any good vacationer does, we are chilling in front of our fireplace on the couch computer-ing!! Haha. Lame, but we have much to look forward to and today is our chill day.

2009-03-12T10:17:00.000-07:00

So, it has been a while. My well of creative things to talk about, thoughts to jot down or happenings to go over is about empty. Maybe because I fell into a hole the last couple weeks and decided to stay there until my body decided it was done being lethargic.

Now that the weather is good again, I think a lot about starting my running up again - I'm such a wimp, if it is cold outside, I don't go running. In the fall it is different, I stop when the snow is consistent on the ground; however, the spring is harder to get started because the cold is so much colder than my warm comfy bed. We have a treadmil, but yea-right. I hate that thing. It's worse than running in a circle. No change, no sense of going anywhere, just watching the numbers go up on the digital reader - that is painful to do!!! Power90 for me was excellent, but since we've moved, we still don't have the network up or a place to do it - our living room area is smaller, go figure.

Our happy anniversary was on the 10th. That was most excellent. Two years down and 56 more to go ... or so. We are celebrating by taking our much needed excursion away from the kids and life for a week on our annual trip. We are headed to the East coast - can't wait! When we got married we decided to take a trip each anniversary, instead of exchange gifts or do the dinner and movie date thing. It is great to plan and look forward to. However, our "deal" is slightly being amended. Every year, instead of JUST us, once in a while, we are taking the kids. I'm ok with that, in fact, we celebrated our happy anniversary as a family, too. It is where it all began, ya know. So we all went swimming and reflected on the most incredible day that changed everything! It was really cool. Next year, Gamers Convention of the Year!! YAY??? My husband's idea!!

Some info on the boy of the house:

2009-03-03T01:17:00.000-08:00

My son is amazing. He's always been my inspiration to be a better person. Something about him makes me feel like I need to be worthy to be his mom. He was entrusted to me for his care and safe return.

*Is a great big brother

*Loves to make baby sister laugh

*Doesn't like to share mom

*Loves to wrestle and jump - on anything

*Loves to laugh

*Is such a good listener when asked to do something

*Loves to learn

*Hates "no" yet we don't say it often

*Loves to have friends over

*Enjoys his own time/NEEDS his own space

*Can be cuddly, especially during prayers

*KNOWS he's cute

*Making silly jokes

*Has a super-hero complex

*Can't wait for the Batcave to be done.

*Loves to read and enjoys homeschool

*Enjoys swimming

*Learning to ride a bike confidently

A bit about the lil' one

2009-02-23T09:25:00.000-08:00

So, my daughter ... I am memorializing her leaps and bounds. A proud mother must sometime, somewhere and since this is my journal - I suck actually writing - Who heard of manuscript anyway, lame. I'm memorializing her here for everyone!

**She has six crooked teeth - thanks dad, thanks mom.

**She's walking!!! Before she could stand.

**She LOVES to climb into - well, anything, laundry baskets, puzzle boxes, any nook and cranny that she can

**She LOVES daddy - OMIG, I can't hold a candle to that man.

**She is the happiest, giggliest little thing I've ever known.

**She loves to laugh. Everything is a game to her.

**She knows sign language - picked it up FAST - more, food, all gone, hi (of course)

**She bonks your head thinking you are giving her kisses and she is giving them back.

**Her first word was HI - Daddy and strangers get that one a lot. When she wakes up and you come to get her out of bed, she says it with a BIG crooked grin.

**She has learned screaming doesn't get her attention - THANK HEAVEN.

**She tries to put on socks and shoes like big brother.

**She talks, all day, on the phone, already!!!! Luckily it has a pull string, not a communication wire into the wall.

**She is always hungry.

**She gets offended easily, a bump here, a funny look there - it's all a personal attack.

It's true ... I want money

2009-02-21T03:13:00.000-08:00

Growing up, we had the basic needs, right. Didn't most of us? Now that I'm an adult, married, with children, an education ... la, da, da ... I'm ready to have money. I'm ready to have choices. More than just the basics and then a little. My husband is still getting his degree and I'm happy being at home. Am I the only one done with only maintaining our finances? Don't get me wrong, we have no business having the things we do with us still in school and for us still being young. For those things, I am grateful. But, I'm greedy. I'll admit. I still want more. Is that so wrong?

It's an internal conflict I have. I have had to grow up quickly most of my life and now that I am grown up, I still want to be grown up. What a dilemma. So what do I do? I'm also impatient. I know things will work out ... eventually, but call it instant gratification, call it greed, impatience, I don't care. I just want to be able to look at the books after everything is paid and think, "It's great to have such freedom in spending." Instead of, "O, can I justify this extra expense?" I want to be able to have --- security. My spending habits aren't lavish, certainly not. I don't buy a lot of clothes, nails, hair things or styles, makeup, movies even, nothing more than the basics anyway. But to have the safety net of extra how would that be?

Don't get me wrong, we aren't going bankrupt, we aren't broke, just not nested in a career, yet that matches our earning potential. You know what I really think it is ... these feelings of never being able to get out of this low income tax bracket has increased significantly since the realization of my mother's retirement. She made more than any single mother with an English degree could make these days. That hurts. Not only that, she has nothing to show for it. I am so scared of earning and not having - not the material things, but the safety net - the savings, the investments ... etc. I'm so scared, especially with the economy getting worse and the unemployment rising and rising and rising and our friends and family being laid-off, some more than once, that we'll never survive. It is the pit-f-the-stomach fear that we aren't safe. The times will get worse before they get better. I know this, it is part of the cycle of our social structure, but I don't want to be part of it. I am too easily afraid of "the unknown." How does someone get over that??

Marriage beyond death!

2009-02-17T07:13:00.000-08:00

This Valentine's Day was amazing. Not because my husband and I got to sneak away from our kids, we didn't. Not because we got to exchange expensive and extravagant gifts, we didn't. Not because we got any romantic, we didn't. We spent the bulk of this weekend driving! We drove the eight hours it takes to Colorado. We left at 5pm on Friday and arrived at our hotel at 2am Saturday morning. The forecast predicted our entire route covered in snow! It wasn't! The only issues we had were outside of Cheyenne when the roads became covered in fog, flurries and black ice. It was scary, but we made it safely.

The next morning, we woke up at 8am and were able to go to the Denver, CO LDS temple. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We believe in doing work (baptisms, sealings and other work) for the dead. My father died in 2005 before he could be baptized. He was on his way and suddenly died of a heart attack. My stepmother, needless to say, was devastated. She continued on the way towards being sealed (married for all time and eternity) to my father. The day finally came and with my father's birthday today, it was the greatest timing for her. The excitement and joy of being able to live, not only with our Savior and our Heavenly Father again, but to live for - literally, ever, with the one you love is priceless. So, we came to support her and enjoy the greatest gift we have been given on this earth. The ceremony was wonderful. There was so much love and spirit in the room. I know my father was there. He wouldn't miss it for the world.

I was able to see family, again, too. Family I always wish I belonged to and in a way, always have. It took this trip, unfortunately, to help me realize, I really do belong. I really do have a family in them. And to know that my father loves me, really loves me. What a great realization after so many years of wondering why, who and how ...

The rest of the trip was great! We were able to stay at mom's house the rest of Saturday and Sunday. We left Sunday evening at 5pm again and made it home at 1am again. It was the best drive home. Again, the forecast predicted snow storms and yet, we had clear and I mean CLEAR skies! We saw more stars than I can ever remember. I even got to see the constellation Scorpio (I think). I have never seen any other than Orion's belt - and I don't know where the rest of him is, and the little and big dipper. Those last two are the easiest to spot!

Anyway, I am so grateful for my faith, my Saviors sacrifice, Joseph Smith's willingness to do the work needed on this earth to establish the Church of Jesus Christ, again on this earth. I'm so grateful for the knowledge I have of this life, the before and the after. I'm so grateful for the love and blessings we receive from such a great God, a loving and kind, just God. I'm so grateful for the atonement and the opportunity I have to be clean to go before God to be judged. I am so grateful for my mom and dad's opportunity to live eternally together in happiness and love, surrounded by those who love them, too. I'm so grateful for mom and who she is and what she brought to my father. I am so grateful to be part of their family. I think THIS is what He ment by JOY!

The day finally came: I was tagged

2009-02-12T20:37:00.000-08:00

I've only heard of people getting tagged ... just thought they were those email questions everyone avoids because there are so many renditions of the same thing. I know, I know, synical brood I am. Anyway, I got tagged. Thought I'd see if anyone actually reads my blog. Plus, this one sounds pretty interesting ... We'll see.

8 Things About Me
Here are the Rules:
1) Post rules on your blog
2) Answer the six '8' items
3) Let each person know by leaving them a comment

8 FAVORITE TV SHOWS
1. Scrubs. My kind of synical, sarcasm in a refreshing (and not at all over used) introspective manner.
2. Lost
3. The Office
4. Medium
5. Law & Order: SVU - only one that is on instant watch on Netflix from the beginning, plus I like the combination of the whole process
6. Eureka
7. Bones
8. Dead Like Me - LOVE IT!

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY
1. Homeschool - love to participate in my son's learning. There's nothing like watching that light turn on when all sorts of things connect!
2. Watched a neighbors baby. Cried the whole time. So sad.
3. Wrote an article on Neurosis
4. Turned in my homework assignment
5. Family movie with hot cocoa after the house got picked up. Loves those nights.
6. Played with baby during rest time - she's so darn cute
7. Emmersed myself in my 'soaps' for a couple hrs to take in some non-thinking time
8. Hehehe, doesn't happen often ...

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO
1. Payday
2. Getting old so I can look back at the legacy I am trying to create with the coolest guy around
3. Vacations
4. Those mornings you wake up for a run and can smell the mist on the grass -- gets my blood pumping
5. My husband coming home TO ME!!!
6. Watching my kids grow up
7. Having my career (if it's in the cards) and using my education (somehow)
8. Having my husband's career - or rather his income, muh-ha-ha-ha

8 FAVORITE RESTAURANTS
1. Chez Darin
2. steak joints, ya man!
3. Chez Darin
4. Chez Darin
5. any sushi joint worth it's salt
6. Chez Darin
7. Chez Darin
8. Cafe Rio

8 THINGS ON MY WISH-LIST (I wish ...)
1. To be debt-free (including student loans)
2. To make a difference
3. To travel the world
4. For a happy family
5. To retire early
6. My husband to be happy and not so freaking busy and stressed out.
7. (I don't really wish for a lot ...)
8. (I can't really come up with anymore ... I have things I WANT, is that the same?)

8 PEOPLE I TAG
1. Ashley
2. Zabet
3. Michelle
4. Lena
5. Patricia
6. Allison
7. Melissa
8. Cressida

Baby's first steps

2009-02-09T09:52:00.001-08:00

You heard it right!!! My baby, FINALLY took her first steps. She is so funny. She just lets go and starts to walk, like it isn't anything, like she's been doing it forever. I sort of figured she would do it that way. My son took a bit more prompting. She is just like me and her father, she'll do it on her own time and in her own way.

Last week she took two steps towards a stranger!! Last night she took two steps towards Dad. Today, she just let go and took a step towards something, not someone.

Ah, the accomplishments. I'm so grateful I get to be here to see it happen and watch her grow.

Winter Blues

2009-02-09T08:49:00.000-08:00

Don't get me wrong, my favorite music is jazz and the blues, but combined with a long winter, man, things get bummer-ific!!! I learned from my mom that an existence of inactivity and non-movement is sufficient for this life. However, another part of me screams, "DON'T DO IT!!" I hate inactivity and non-movement. I haven't learned how to combine my need to move and be active with at-home life. I homeschool; I am getting my master's degree; I keep house; I play with my kids; I exercise ... one would think that would be enough to keep me busy. It is, but I still have hours per day that I don't know what to do with myself. From my mom's example, I watch movies. With the ease of Netflix and the convenience, I watch a lot (!!!) of TV. I haven't watched TV since I was, arguably, younger than 15, so I have a lot to catch up on. I used to like that I didn't know what was going on. My husband is always telling me to do things I enjoy, but I don't know what that is. The things I do enjoy and know I enjoy them, are time consuming and space taking. It takes a moment to get involved and I normally have to stick with it to accomplish anything, but that isn't easy when I'm always running back and forth between kids and my baby sleeps in the office (her bedroom isn't finished in the basement, yet). The office is where the space is. So, I enjoy scrapbooking and sewing. Reading is great, too, but that, also, I have to have uninterrupted time to do, otherwise, I have a ton of books I've started and never have finished. I've determined, blogging is it, for now. I can watch a movie (or two - hehehe) a day as long as I've homeschooled, exercised, finished my homework and played with my kids. I don't like being one of those at-home mom's that is just a warm body for the kids. I like to engage. During the winter, though, what to do?

This brings me back to the winter blues. During good weather, we would go on walks, go places, do things, enjoy the weather ... what do you do in the winter when the roads are bad, the air is cold, the shops are further than I care to go now that I am so much further away than I used to be ... This last week or more the weather has been great. We have been outside more, walking more, going places more. It's been enjoyable. Now ... it is ... snowing again. :( That stupid groundhog. We need to replace him.

Adieu

2009-02-06T11:31:00.000-08:00

Today, my mother leaves Utah forever. She has finally, to her joy and excitement, retired. We held a surprise retirement pary for her last night. It went well and of course, she cried. Now she is headed to out to Virginia. I'm so jealous, but excited for her. She will embark on new adventures, heartaches and breaks, thrills, and discovery. Go mom!

For us, whom she's abandonned in the mountains of the west, life will go on as usual. For my little family, a little bit of grandmother will be missed.

Adieu, ma mere. Salut une nouvelle jour!

I WANNA BE JUST LIKE YOUUUUUU

2009-02-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

Says my daughter everytime she looks at my son! Today, trying to teach her to sit still for a couple moments, we popped in Baby Einstein. The music is so relaxing and the colors and movements are so fun for the kids. As I drifted off to a cat-nap with the rythm in my head of the video about shapes, I see my son start dancing as awkwardly as five year old do, and my daughter stare and smile this adoring smile at him! When he sits, she wants to dance herself. So, she does. She wiggles her little shoulders, bounces up and down, moves her arms side to side! When he laughs, she looks at him and figures it's funny, too. She laughs right along. I can't bust out my camera at this point because I'll get caught, she'll stop and start laughing her maniacal little laugh as she says, "Muh-ha-ha-ha, you thought you could capture me on camera, ha-ha-ha, eventually, you'll learn, I know what you are up to, you'll NEVER get me on that film!!" I've gotten very good at processing a memory moment for my own bank of film in my head. I just hope dementia won't take over before I can tell her all about it.

As I was watching her try to do what brother does, I was overcome with the feeling of, I love this!! Watching and being able to be part of my children grow up - together, is such a blessing. He often hates her trying to be like him. She loves to play XBox with him, on his controller. She loves to read the books he's reading. She loves to play the toys he's playing with. She loves to eat the food he's eating, ride the bike he's riding, walk where he's walking ... on and on. He gets annoyed and calls in for the giant reinforcements to come save him from her imposing sister. I don't mind. I wait until he calls. That way they both get the experience RIGHT before the violence and resentment of sibling-hood take over. When they are older, I'm confident they will be great friends! He already protects her when he can!!

Five years later and we're all alive!

2009-01-29T14:23:00.000-08:00

It is the big FIVE for my son! He celebrated his birthday on the date with mom, dad, baby sister and grandma. For his birthday he got a guitar that he's been wanting for months. After all, we are going to be a rock star family! Mom is the singer, Dad is the drummer, brother is the guitar player and sister is the horn player! Where it came from? I can only assume Guitar Hero at his one-dad's. For him, we made his dream come true - of sorts. For his birthday, he got to play his guitar, mom sang (poorly), dad played the piano (no drums available), sister just stared, grandma played a tamborine-thing. It was the funest moment!!

Now his birthday party with all his friends and family will be tomorrow where we will ice skate and have cupcakes! We are so excited.

I am so excited to have my lil' boy be five. The last five years have been more eventful than a lot of other people, but less eventful than some. For that, I am so grateful for where we are today. I am so grateful that we get to be at-home together, playing Battleship, Chess, whatever boardgame of the day, reading books, playing ball, making cookies, all sorts of stuff. He is the funest kid I know. I enjoy (almost ever) moment. His smile is so full of love, his hugs are so big, his eyes are so full of hope and excitement.

I can't wait to see the end of our childrearing years. The joys, tears, pitfalls, decisions. Mommihood is so cool.

Crocodille tears

2009-01-29T14:16:00.001-08:00

For being such a sweet, happy child, my daughter cries Crocodille tears when she's offended, Daddy walks away, kept off dangerous heights or moved from precarious places. Where does she get these tears? She's the cutest lil' girl and these tears are just so endearing, until the scream comes. When we look at her with a smile, she thinks she needs to start talking, loudly!

How fascinating for a tiny little girl to learn to manipulate through tears and so early. Where did she learn it? Not from me, for sure! My Crocodille tears are all dried up. My husband, well, do men have Crocodille tears? My son, he just does the lip quiver!

Life always changing

2009-01-21T12:28:00.000-08:00

Whew. What a month.

My hubby went back to work full-time. The whole part-time work to go to school full-time stunt didn't work out in our favor. But, now we know why we were prompted to get into our house. We surely would've been asked to leave our previous home because we wouldn't have met our required classes for the semester. This was the fourth attempt to get my hubby through school using different ways: full-time, full-time; part-time, full-time, part-time, part-time, full-time, part-time. The latter, we have yet to try. That will be the last resort, or this fall, whichever comes first.

He has recieved confirmation that he needs to be in school. So, we are trying to make it work. It's so confusing. We have recieved confirmation that I am to raise my kids, complete my Master's degree, not work during the day, keep my night job and my husband works and goes to school. That is a heft load to recieve confirmation for. Too much for me. Again, we make it work. Lots of tears, lots of stress, lots of faith.

Because of these confirmations, though, we have done serious investigating into what we are studying. My husband's dream of engineering changed on him a while ago. Only I saw what is passion really was. He knew it, too, but as a career didn't want to focus on video games. I agree, but computer's are where he is at. Engineering for him, is a wee bit too hard for the stresses he's under. It is a dream of his that he left as a "would be nice, if ..." So, he changed his major. He's half way through it and didn't know it, can get his Master's with one extra year, in the department he already works for and in a field he loves and knows already ... Information Systems. Practical, well-paid, not too narrow and plenty of different tracts he can take. He wants to take the data security tract. This semester is his first in the degree and we are all rooting for him.

On top of that realization, he asked for his full-time position back and was able to get it RIGHT (we're talking TWO days) before a hiring freeze took affect. Now all we have to do is wait 30 days and we'll have paid vacation days again, sick days, insurance, 401(k) package, again! YAY. However, now my hubby thinks since he has is full-time job back, I can quit my part-time. Yes, it is time consuming - 4 hr shift with 1 hr travel time (total), at night when I normally do my homework, shifting things around makes it so there is a lot less wiggle room and now I babysit swap for three families, 8 kids and 10 hrs/wk so I can make it to work on time. So, it is a sacrifice. He doesn't think it is worth it, but I do. I feel comfortable there. I feel that it is the right decision. I don't mind the work and I get along with the people. It can be hard work and it is hard work to re-do life, but totally possible. I don't see my husband but every other Friday afternoon, every other Saturday night and Sundays; we don't have family time anymore other than every other Friday afternoon and Sundays, but, again, I feel confirmed that this is where I should be. Maybe not long term, because, really, I don't need the job, but I feel confirmed and I'm FREAKED out about the economy. Plus, knowing that my husbands job is taking a 19% cut and possibly LOWERING wages, rather than giving annual raises ... I'm a little nervous.

All things come with good, though, right? My daughter is no loger sick. My son had croup for a couple days and then a nagging cough and congestion for a couple weeks. In that couple weeks, my daughter got croup that lasted a week and now she is doing well. Nothing lasting.

We converted our large unfinished basement (about 900 sq ft) into a big play room for the kids. (I'll post pics later)

My son's new bedroom almost has a heater vent in it. He still hasn't moved in until the vent is finished. Then it will get painted and carpeted. It should've been done over the FOUR week vacation we had for Christmas, but we all decided to play and hang out instead. :( It was nice, but now the room is taking that much longer. My son and I finally compromised on how his room will be painted and decorated. He wanted to paint it all black!! His favorite color is black. So, I talked him into living in the bat cave. His latest superhero fix is Batman. Because he changes fixations, we will paint the walls yellow (all superheros that I can think of have some yellow or some color that works with yellow). The ceiling will be black with stars affixed on the ceiling. His walk-in closet won't be finished because that will become his BAT CAVE. We will hang black material up on the walls and put a black curtain over the door. His bed will be in there and we'll make bats that will be above on the ceiling, that will remain white. That way, when his phases are all done, he will still have a closet! I still haven't decided if I'm going to go to the trouble to repaint his dresser and bed black to keep up with the theme, but we did buy cheap wooden letters for his name that we will paint black and stencils that we can write BAT CAVE on his door using. Sounds good to me. :) Any other ideas or suggestions? I'd love to hear them!

Holiday Greetings: A day late and a dollar short ...

2009-01-02T08:33:00.000-08:00

Greetings to all who read or follow this blog ...

This is my new greeting card. I've always had such high ambitions of sending out cards each December, sending out yummy treats to friends and neighbors. Alas, I am not as great on the follow through. My first year, I went out and bought a couple boxes of 50 holiday cards so I could start the tradition, six years later, I still have close to a couple boxes of 50. Now comes the trend of internet living and blogs so I am taking myself to the latest technological heights of greetings through the internet. So, here we go ...

2008: what a year!!

January: My son turned 4! He is still an amazing reader and very energetic. I still don't know where he got that from.

February: My lil' girl was (finally) born. I was hoping she'd be early, but if she could've, she would've been late. I didn't allow that, hehehehe. We induced the day after she was due.

March: YAY!! We made it through our first year! Happy Anniversary! Who said it was the hardest??? They lie. It was the funnest. I think, so far, the hardest is the second year! :D For ourselves and because we vacation so much, we invest in a timeshare. SOOOO, excited. What a month, we bought a car, too. Our Kia was on its death bed begging to be replaced. Happy March! Ugh.

April: April showers bring May flowers - LOVE the Spring.

May: Off to St George. Happy Mom's Day. The year of no traveling is finally over. We can travel again. Silly honeymoon.

June: To St. George again. It's only the cost of two tanks of gas. How could we go wrong?!! I begin my second year as an R.A. for the U.S.A. My niece comes to stay with us for the summer during the days. I begin homeschooling my ever advancing four year old as the public school suggested public school would not be a great fit for him for preschool and private school is just

too darn expensive.

July: I begin my master's program. I'm so restless and finally I found what I want to do. (Maybe)

August: My best friend marries her honey-bunch on the beach in CA. We vacation for a week to make it worth it since it is so expensive anyway to do any of that kind of traveling. We visit Legoland, really the coolest amusement park I've been to. Visit the Wild Animal Park, the Midway, all sorts of places. Shacked up in a cozy two bedroom hotel with two kids. CRAZY. Love vacations.

September: Classes for students all over begin. Good luck to all. My husband goes part-time for work so he can concentrate more on his full-time course load. Vacation with the in-laws in northern UT. So beautiful. What a great experience.

October: What? We're moving? Getting a house? Whatever.

November: Yay, we move to a house. LOVE the idea. Hate the amount of never ending cleaning. Added a new member to our family, Ruby, a Vizsla.

December: Finally, my baby nephew is born. Classes end. Basement getting finished (verrrry slowly). Vacation to St. George. I finally (after two months) find a job!!! Glamorous ... but my husband is now settling into being an at-home dad for the evenings and is pretty darn good at it!!!

Highlights of 2008. Short and sweet. Now for the more info intro:

My husband is still vying for his bachelors degrees in computer engineering and electrical engineering. He is my hero, more and more every day. He is the hardest working man I know. He is the best.

My four year old is leaping through school. Loving homeschool. Found the joy of XBox. LOVES Candy Cane Hot Cocoa.

My lil' girl is crawling. Refusing to stand by herself or walk ... ode to the early walkers. She still crawls up a storm and I still vacuum all the time to make sure she doesn't eat anything unpleasant with her orally stimulated self.

I am still loving my master's program. Working now only part-time. Loving homeschool. Enjoying my children.

Happy 2009, friends and family. May the Lord continue to bless you all.

The wonder of neighbors

2008-12-22T20:36:00.000-08:00

How do you be a neighbor? I get the first part really well - introductions. The next two parts I have down, pat! - small talk and helping ... what then? How does people become friends, ever? This has been the most frustrating thing of my adult life. I don't remeber ever having to work at making friends. Now, I can't seem to have a friend for the life of me, let alone neighbors who become long-life friends ... or at least friends I remain in contact with after I move a place. I'm working on that though. The last place I lived was the most amazing place of fellowshipping and friendship rearing I've ever witnessed and been a part of. So much of it has to do with a very few people who moved in within the last year or so of my life there. I hope to always remain in contact, but even then, how do you foster a real friendship from that?

Aside from that, I was so touched the other day. The last time I posted it was snowing. I needed to shovel the walk and drive after it had dumped about six or so inches before work. I have been able to meet most of the people in my cul-de-sac and have made it through the small talk part. As I was shoveling, a neighbor got stuck in the snow on the road, trying to get home. Another neighbor and I tried helping, he being more buff than I pushed the car up the hill. After, she came down and we chatted for awhile. I went back to shoveling and two different neighbors, one of which I helped shovel his walk the week before and another one I had yet to meet, came over and helped me shovel the last half of the walk and drive. I love that neighborly stuff. I can really see myself enjoying this new area and neighborhood.

Another neighbor to the street over, we've helped furnish her new house with a lot of the stuff we've been getting rid of from my grandmother and mother. That's been fun. The daughters are adorable.

But what's next? How do you "do" stuff together? Make friends? Visit? Do you always have to have a "playdate"? Do you always use your kids as an excuse? Do you always have to bring over a plate of cookies? Do you just call and chat? Any suggestions???? I could really use the help. This is the part in my life that is the most frustrating and lacking, I think. -Very lonely!!!

NEXT on: LEAVES

2008-12-19T13:11:00.000-08:00

So, the previous post threw me off. I'll admit. When things like that happen, I get depressed, angry, you name it. So, after a while of brewing in my own self-pity - I'm good at that, ask my husband!! - I decided it was time to get back to the grind. Mind you, I haven't been wallowing, by any means, but just not driven to post ... what would I write? what tone would I use? all them questions ... this post is just about moving on, really. Not about moving on from the previous post happenings, but just in life.

Since the last post, we've had Thanksgiving, finals in school, and Christmas is approaching. We've decorated, helped neighbors shovel their walk, all that fun jazz. Now we are trying to live up the next four weeks of no school, just work before Spring semester begins. We want to do so many fun things, Zoo lights, Temple lights, sledding, ... Unfortunately, the economic crisis has led so many people out of work and now they are all clamoring for the available jobs at companies that are in a hiring freeze. It is good for companies, they can be more selective about who they hire, people with more experience, better connections, etc. but for our family, that means out of 60 resumes and applications, I got only three call-backs (two crappy sales jobs and a night job). It is perfect really. I can still be at-home with my children. I can still homeschool. I make more than I planned on. It is only four hours a night. It is close to my house. AND it is working for my church. Can't hate that employer! The work is no fun, worse than grunt work, but busy-work and I like busy work. It gives me an "in" for other jobs available within the corporations of the church, which I hope will serve my purposes in the future. But ... it does keep me away from home in the evenings which I have so dearly loved and have come to rely on between family time and husband time. Now, family time is every other Saturday (since husband works every other Saturday) and Sunday. My husband and I have already learned to work around the schedule and are able to spend no more than one hour a night with each other before we sleep. Anything more than that and he doesn't sleep enough and has a 12 hour day ahead of him in the worst possible state a man can be in after no sleep. We make it work. It is a blessing and an answer to our prayers. For that, we are grateful. Plus, for Christmas, we got a brand new leather-bound Hymn book with sweet messages from the First Presidency. (for more information, visit www.lds.org).

Next ... Christmas. Out of town with the in-laws and ... the ex- (muh-ha-ha-ha). Stay tuned. :D

Family!!?? What is that?!!

2008-11-27T20:34:00.000-08:00

Family, what is that? Is it a joke? Is it a convenient system for people to lay claim on others to use as personal punching bags? Is it a thing? Noun? What??? I am so confused. I have had to ask this question many times in the course of my adult life. To the extent that I have, I find it unfair that I have been dealt the hand I have. What do I do about it? However, through it all, I feel that I have overcome every obstacle with as much grace and dignity as I can. Some of these times have been more graceful than others, but regardless of the circumstances, I always seem to forgive, forget and move on ... leaving me scarred, but just as emotionally vulnerable as the last time, learning from these lessons, but never really LEARNING. How does one find balance? The need to find the balance to be part of a family while also guarding oneself from the vulnerability of being part of that family.

For the past 21 years, I have been in search of a family. I have been in search of a family to belong to, for someone to believe I am special and just accept me for who I am, not what I can do for them. And yet, in all of my searching, I have never been able to find this place, to fill this void. Why is it so hard to find, even one person to fulfill this need? I have learned this need about myself in many difficult ways. I have tried to figure out why I need it, where did this void begin, why I can't fill the void or why I can't change or protect myself ... turn this need off?

Personally, I HAVE to believe it is either a sick and cruel joke God is playing on me to teach me something, or it is really, truly the way people behave. My only problem is, in all of life's travels I have met many, many people, seen many, many families, NONE of them have had this kind of baggage, none of them have treated their families like this, so completely and consistently. It blows my mind. And so, I am left to believe I really am the horrible person people, who are supposed to be family, say that I am.

This realization leads me back to the original question. What is family? What is the purpose? How can I believe families are supposed to be together forever when this is what I get? How do I maintain the primary/preschool fantasy that I love my family and would love the opportunity to be with them in the hereafter? My husband's answer is, "I am your family." My reply is, "I know! But how do I learn to REALLY KNOW?" How do I separate the need I have been seeking to fill all these years from parental figures and the like to a new entity I am creating with my husband and children?

In short, I have no answer to this question. It is a question that continues to plague me. I am unable to cut myself off from these people and so, I am left with not answering the question, but asking a new one: Now what?

The kids and the things they do ....

2008-11-24T20:01:00.000-08:00

So, I am biased. It's true. I have unbelievable kids. My son is smart, I don't take credit. He watches, listens and chooses. He is so full of the insight and the interest in the world and his place in the world, I wish I had growing up. Saturday, he said to me, (mind you, after only one "lesson" on each topic) "Mom, the President is Obama." I said, "That's right!" My husband looked at me in aww over the bit of information my son processed and repeated. I then asked, "Do you know who the President of our Church is?" He took a moment, walked away; I was afraid he was going to ignore me, and said, "Thomas S. ... Mon .. son?!" OMIG. What a memory. I only once sat down and talked to him about who the new President of the U.S. was after the elections, showed him his picture and left it at that. Shortly after President Gordon B. Hinckley of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints died, again, I sat down and showed him, only once, who our new President of the Church was. What a memory!!! He never ceases to amaze me.

Pretty classic amazements of his are other random things he has done in the past, that unfortunately, with my issues of keeping a journal, I have not recorded. Here is as good a place as any ... Dylan started reading at 2.5 yo. Pretty, young? I didn't think so until all the other mom's I knew from various places began exclaiming what an anomally. Makes me feel uncomfortable, like I did something wrong. So, I learned to delight in his accomplishments and roll with them. I didn't "teach" him, per se, but I didn't hold him back. I saw the window of thirst for knowledge open and there was no way I was going to let it close! We started working with the coolest federally funded website I've ever known and wish more moms knew about it, called www.starfall.com. It was his "computer game." He was only allowed 10 minutes per day with me to "play." As he began loving it and understanding more and more of it and learning to control the computer mouse, he got to play more and more on it, up to an hour a day. Soon, he was sounding things out. Of course, when there was an opportunity, I would encourage his learning and challenge him, but for the most part, he was really interested and excited to learn something new. Soon, he sounded out the only word I'd ever heard him sound out - he, himself put his learning to the test and sounded out the word "FRIEND." I didn't know what to do!!! It was then, I decided to put him into a preschool. Out of all the preschools in our area, A-M I called, Challenger preschool was the most affordable and one of the only ones that focused on phonics. One month later he was enrolled and two months later, he was READING! WHOA.

Since then, he can't stop. He will read anything he can. He will read things to himself and catch me in an "adult moment." He will read to me, luckily, ask me to still read to him and read to his new baby sister. How cool, right? Well, what do you do when he starts reading your COLLEGE level text books?? No joke! I was hunkering down reading my text book for my master's degree program and he hopped on my back and started reading it out loud to me, "Treatment for Bipolar I Disorder." OMIG. Where does it stop? He continued on and read some words that I was sure he wasn't going to be able to pronounce. Yet, he still surprised me and read them, paying attention to grammar rules that he hadn't even learned formally, yet and phonetically should have stumped him. What a cool cat he is! Dad and I like to see if we can challenge him, but also, we like to include him now that he can read. He likes to read the scriptures by himself, ingredients to foods, all sorts of other random things.

Because of this advanced level he is at, and because of the fight we went through to get Challenger to challenge him, (he started getting bored and acting out since he was so much further ahead of his class ...) we decided to homeschool. I don't know for how long we will homeschool, but for now, it works. He stays home with Mom, we save on money for a preschool he doesn't need, we are challenged by finding opportunities to socialize, and at the same time, enjoy the extra time we get together and the fun we have discovering things together. It works very well, for now.

And because my long-winded breath has written so much, I will save the rest of our homeschool adventure for another day.

My Perfect Life

2008-11-23T18:15:00.000-08:00

So, here I am, with my perfect dog, in my perfect house, surrounded by my perfect children and talking with my perfect husband, when all of a sudden, I realize, we haven't been translated, yet. DARN IT!! Another day, maybe.

It's been another week. We finally have our house (mostly) put together. At what point am I going to have it all put together? I wonder. It is so much put together that others would wonder what the heck am I talking about? It's the little things. The random, "where does this go?" that bothers me. The fact that my new garage (ohhhh, we are so spoiled) is full of other people stuff. When will I be able to put my car in there? My storage things? I am at a loss for where to hang my pretty things. And, finally, I know there is more to clean and be done before I can settle. Mainly, the scrubbing of the kitchen and bathroom floors, scrubbing the bathroom all together and behind the stove and fridge in the kitchen, scrubbing inside the bathroom counters and the exterior cupboards in the bathroom and kitchen. Think I'm being anal? Well, I would think so to, but I live here. The smell of cat liter penetrates the room when the bathroom counters are opened. There is so much grim and grit at the base of the appliances in the kitchen, I am scared to move them to clean underneath. All in all, though, we have made some excellent progress!!! I'm so happy and excited to have a HOME.

Odd as it is, I didn't feel like it would feel any different than living in an apartment. It does. Granted the perimeter is surrounded by dogs, and now we have been infiltrated by acquiring our own dog, it is so cool to have a home! In one week, we were able to change the scenery from this:

To this:

And with this:

Her name is Ruby, a fourth and permanent addition to our little family. She is a Vizsla. She is every bit a Coon dog but without the bite of a hunter.

See, I told ya!

2008-11-12T22:56:00.000-08:00

Ya, ya, ya. Just like a child, I know. But things get busy, life happens and all of a sudden it is a week later and I haven't posted. I'm still interested, that's exciting.

Our move went a lot worse than we anticipated. We had amazing help from our friends and neighbors at the apartment, loading the truck. They were so patient while I was so unprepared. We ended up moving a week earlier than expected because, remember that job interview .... I got it!! YAY. Unfortunately, though, they told me Friday afternoon and I started training the next Monday, giving me half a day to reserve a truck, find help, finish boxing and get "prepared." I did the best I could, guys. Stayed up late, put everything else off ... rough. Anyway, so we moved to the new house and Oh! Thank Heaven, for Darrell, he was so awesome to follow us to the new house and help unload the truck, too. He was the first to help and the last to leave. I really appreciated him and his wife for letting us borrow him. At the new house, we didn't have any neighbors show to help, even though my mom said she tried to find people. One guy showed half an hour to the end and helped. I was grateful for anything I could get, but man, what a slap in the face - we were no longer in Kansas, Toto!! The student housing neighbors always saw a need (moving, mostly) and were most often willing to drop everything and dig their heels in to help those moving (in or out!!). Now we are "big girls and boys" and on our own in the lone and dreary world. Our first experience was the pity Darrell had for us to help us unload, too. Thanks again, man. You are my hero, well, you can vie for second place, my husband is hogging first and second. hehehehe

My husband is very allergic to animals. So much so that we could hardly ever visit my mother's house. Within three feet of the front door his asthma and allergies would flair up so badly that we had to stop coming over or drug him droopy. I've been over at mother's house helping her clear it out, clean it and SCRUB it for my neurotic, with cause, husband. Well, it wasn't enough. We had to sleep at a hotel our first night. Great for us, alone time, FINALLY, but we spent the night writing a talk we were assigned to give at our church the next day. It was way nice, though to not have to worry about this and that, the kids (stayed at Gma's) and have a clean, beautiful and soft place to sleep. The next day we rented a carpet cleaner from Home Depot (watch it, they can get expensive) and spent the next three days deep cleaning the carpets. His reactions slowly drifted away, but they are not gone.

The agreement prior to moving into the house was that the animals would be gone within a minimum of thirty days of our move-in so we could sanitize the house of all catness or dogness. It helped A LOT. We got the ducts cleaned, carpets cleaned (by a crappy company that didn't do much), vaccumed, dusted, washed walls, cleared all furniture and house ... stuff out to make it as dander free as possible. Yet, all that work, and I still had to worry about the untimely death of the hubby. Now it has been five days, we are cozy in our bedroom, surrounded by boxes as each room dries from the carpet cleaner and pet-ness is still not totally gone. Their happiness (or unhappiness, whichever way you want to look at it) has deeply saturated into the padding and subfloors of the carpet. We will probably end up having to replace the subflooring, padding and parts of the carpet, if possible. But for now, we will make it liveable and be content.

This house, mind you, did just fall into our laps. We must be grateful for the opportunity to try our skills at homeownership, even if it isn't the real thing. Now, you may be wondering, why the heck, knowing the pet-ness that was left, the work that was put in BEFORE this house was even possibly ours, etc. we would still move in ... well, this move wasn't about us. It is about MOM. It is a move that is more money for rent, utilities, gas and house repairs, but it is something we, as a family have pondered and saught guidance for. It is a move that we feel is right and serves a purpose, for whom we still don't know, but ultimately, for MOM. She is retiring, couldn't sell the house for CLOSE to what she owed, couldn't afford the payments and couldn't afford to fix it. That is where we come in. Our hearts have put so much work into the house, why not call it ours? Finish the basement, remodel the kitchen, bathroom, finish the other bathroom and bedroom, re-landscape, replace the carpet, fix doors, plumbing, and anything else we don't, yet know about so we CAN get this house re-sellable and help the MOM retire is all we are thinking about for this move. I had to get a job, found one out of the home, re-balance our existence, but again, it is what we feel is right.

Why am I telling you this? Well, I think it is because I need to hear it, too. I need to be reminded of our why. Our why might change later, but this is our motivation and my need to understand why we do things is now expressed on "paper." So far, the move hasn't been worth it. I am a person that needs to have stability. Living between two homes, balancing a new job, childcare, a husband in full time school and working part time, having only one car, not knowing neighbors that might be willing to help, cleaning up one place to leave and cleaning up another place DEEPLY to live, finishing my obligations at my previous pseudo-job and RAship, keeping up with homeschool and remembering my own classes creates chaos. Something that is most unstable and makes me very anxious. All in all, though, I feel like I've done the best I can, fulfilled my obligations, kept my head on and my feet straight, and hopefully with some grace and dignity, next week will be better.

I took pics of the chaos that we are living in, wall to wall CRAMMED with MOM's stuff to leave, our stuff to find places for, and enough path for us to find the beds and the bathroom by. I will post them when I figure out how as well as the miraculous difference that will be this home, aesthetically, when I can breath again and do with it what I will. Until then, wish me luck.

The Third Day

2008-11-06T13:32:00.000-08:00

It is now the third day of this new blog territory I am unearthing and here I am ... unearthing it, once again. I never pictured myself as a blogger, but again, we'll see if it lasts. It might just be the novelty of it or the quiet demand of my house begging to hear ... something! That's right - the kids are gone - a once in a lifetime phenomena for my house, it seems. My most adorably pregnant sister has graciously accepted my invitation for my kids to don her home for a while as I step out into the job market and complete a first (in a decade, almost) job interview. One of, hopefully few, until I land that "perfect" job. My sister picked up my kids and whisked them away only moments ago. I still have a good 45 minutes until I leave for the interview. As I walked into the house, I relished the perfect quietness and stillness that I so desperately need for my sanity to remain intact. I move to the couch and about a billion things FLY through my mind of what I "could" be doing. Between a nap, homework, packing, laundry, cleaning and working, I chose BLOGGING. Hahaha.

My husband, jokingly now calls me the "typical housewife." With blog site in tow, am I? I must be.

World of Blogging

2008-11-05T15:39:00.000-08:00

Whew!!! For all the people that have talked to me about blogging, I really didn't know what a sport it really was! From viewing one blog, I was able to view so many more blogs of people I know, would like to keep in touch with or would like to get to know better. How fun. Wonder why I didn't do it sooner. Maybe it is the closet, insecure, scaredy-cat, people-phobia I have .... hhmmmmm. I'll keep pondering on that one. However, I have found the excitment of reading up on the fun adventures of all my previous and current acquaintances. Woohooo, bloggers.

Our title

2008-11-04T17:52:00.000-08:00

After the many pressures from family and friends to create a blog, my anti-blogging has finally come to an end. However, now that I have one, there is no guarantee I will post. Muh-ha-ha-ha.I will try to remember, but don't really know how often these things get read. I already have a profile on myspace (at www.myspace.com/lahlik) and on facebook (under Sheila K Pitts), you can check things out there, too.

Anyway, so of all the catchy or ordinary things that I could come up with. The one that came to me that I liked the best for our little blog is "Leaves on the family tree." I love the ad that the Utah Fostercare Foundation uses that says, "Be a branch on someone else's family tree." I find that so inspiring and love the idea of the family tree. It has been so fun getting older, spawning and watching my friends, siblings and family spawn as well. There is such symbolism in a family tree, I couldn't resist using leaves on that tree to represent the events, happenings, and other not-so-branches of our life. Enjoy, if I ever update this ... hehehehe.